BLOG » is this it? modern love:
dear alexi,
I am feeling a need to share this with someone and i thought you might
be the one to talk to about it. i asked a straight male friend to
share his honest perspective on my life’s recent events. What he
revealed was enlightening and honest.
he writes:
I just have an ego, insecurity, and a taste for the unknown, guys wanna
fuck and feel masculine and it gets boring and it’s not the girls
fault. Europeans have mistresses, mafia guys too. It makes sense. You
have your love, your partner, the one who you share your life with,
the everyday friend and last phone call and cuddle buddy on the couch
to iron chef with and then you have some extra physical on the side to
keep you from resenting that love. Plus if he’s surrounded by
opportunity all the time, he will want to take it. If nothing else you
should be happy that he didn’t lie about being with someone and
continue the charade.
It’s all about him and NOT you. His deficiencies, his insecurities,
NOT YOURS. You are better than him: hot and funny and weird and
original and smarter than the rest. But don’t kid yourself, the no
labels thing was not what you wanted… you let him have that cause
you wanted him. Even though I now find myself in a scenario where and
am dating a girl exclusively, I don’t feel anywhere near done having
meaningless sexual escapades with strange girls. I don’t know why
not, maybe cause my dad gave me Henry Millers “Quiet Days in Clichy”
when I was 14 to read… I’m just ready to give it a rest for now. And
he didn’t want that cause he’s not ready to be DONE and that has
NOTHING to do with you.
**Then I asked him, what is the solution to this ongoing problem?**
he writes:
There are mistresses. There is Mormonism. There are people in loveless
marriages that work out of financial convenience. There are people who
stay together for the sake of their kids. There are men who just give
up the sex to have a mother/wife. The issue is: the guys you are
attracted to have ego and ambition and that usually goes hand and hand
with sexual prowess. You could find a nerd who has never been with a
girl and you could take on the role of aggressor. You could find a
lonely heart who is SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU. YOU’RE A CATCH. But you know
what they say “find me a beautiful girl and i’ll show you a guy who’s
tired of fucking her”. Leo dumped Giselle…I mean we’re f’d…
(to be continued……..)
Guys with egos tend to be insecure and confused. Who wants that anyway? Lord I hope this is not how most guys think (and call me naive, but I really don’t think it is). It would explain though why dating is so hard–especially in NYC!
http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/
Interesting post. I want to see the next part! Please tell me it’ll be up tomorrow D:
Alex, this is bullshit. Give a loyal, faithful straight guy a chance to respond.
We all assume that we (humans) are finished products. In fact, we have been slapped together through evolutionary spurts which has left us the conflicted neurotic messes that we are. We are almost always in inner conflict because we have, for a lack of a better term, different “programs” running in various parts of our brain.
For guys, below the conscious understanding of American-endorsed monogamy, below the emotional need for attachment and connection, is a program that runs from puberty to death that demands that we “have sex with a large variety of young attractive women”.
This program can be met and satisfied through most new relationships but, over time, this will not satisfy that program. It needs more.
For someone that is generally single, this provides no major dilemma. It’s simple, just go find someone, anyone, anywhere, at anytime.
For someone that is invested in relationship as well as the other programs running–”I need to be faithful in order to be a good person and maintain commitments”, “I truly enjoy the emotional and romantic connection I have and would be fearful of losing that”, etc.–this creates more conflict.
Like the post mentioned, those folks that don’t feel that they have to compromise on life (politicians, mafia dons, etc.) find a way to have it all. I suppose when you have a good chance of be whacked, you have the right…. For the rest of us, the first step is to acknowledge this cosmic screw-up and just try to let it go.
God, how depressing. This boy seems to have a very jaded attitude hope i never get like that.
very intriguing post. I wonder what’s next. Keep it coming.
brutal honesty, ok. from one guy that is speaking for a handful of the population though? horseshit. what is he, 23?
he has his own issues.
This is dead on. For all the comments shouting this down, well of course he’s not talking about every guy. But what he’s saying is bang on the mark for a LOT of guys, many of whom don’t even realize it themselves, and discounting that by saying this is bullshit or unfair or jaded or whatever is bordering on delusional. This kind of honesty is necessary, because the more you understand the basics of human psychology when it comes to sex and relationships and stuff, the less damaged you’re going to end up and the more you’ll be able to just let go and enjoy yourself. Chris’s comment is on the money as well.
Mormonism is not synonymous with polygamy. I live in an area heavily populated by Mormons and basically they will cut you if you suggest that, or they will just explain to you in an exasperated tone that this is not the case.
and you know what…? FEMALES ARE THE SAME WAY! We crave attention, we like to fuck, we get bored fucking the same dude, our eyes wander, we break hearts and fuck around, egotistical and maad insecure. However monogamy is a conscious choice one makes for the sake of believing in love, sacrificing sex with random people for the challenge. I’ve always said.. being a slut is easyyy, fuck that, it’s the holding back and saving your body (for lack of a better term) that is on some OD hard shit but it shows will power and dedication.
I also know quite a few mormons as well and they are far from believing in polygamy.
and on some real shit… at this point in “modern love” you can go ahead and fuck and suck anybody you want dude but seriously if not for monogamy stick to one at a time partner for the sake of your health…
“About one in five people in the United States over age 12 – approximately 45 million individuals – are infected with HSV-2, the virus that causes genital herpes.10 ”
cuz truth like that is ugly too.
Wow! this is just what i needed to read now!!!! Thanks!
My fuck buddy just got a new girlfriend… it was just physical with him but somehow it affected me, so i was feelin’ kinda down until i read this! maybe i knew that temporarily there would be no buddy calls.. who cares now?!
Thanks alexi! just made my day happier
!
I believe it.
I have been in love, been dumped,been heartbroken and all the while I thought it was my fault or my power or my doing. But sometimes shit just doesn’t work. Sometimes someone loves someone that doesn’t love them back, and sometimes two people do love each other but one of them wakes up one day and thinks “I hate the way this person says the word “tomato”. And then it all goes downhill from there. I was starting to really fall for a guy until he grew a mustache, and then I couldn’t get past it, I hated it, and not because he looked gross, I just hated him for it, and that could have been my husband. Who’s f’d now?
I think we have been raised in a culture of hyper vanity. Were young and we do want all we can get. Men will always want more. It is in there biology. They can be satisfied, but it is work to keep to people happy. Especially if there both attractive..Of course all this steams from ego. Woman have egos Men have egos. All suffering steams from this ego. This mentally created story/image. But the ego is needed. It is a part of the human makeup. You can choose to defer to something deeper, but it will exist. So when there is love with someone acceptance comes in. You say,, I dont like his mustache or _______. But there are all these other things I value….
from my persepctive its for sucssess
Love – Attraction – Friendship (mutual shared positive emotion) similar life goals( this part is really important once the romance/dopamine phase starts to fade at about 15 months)
I was with a girl.. We loved each other, had great sex, but didn’t have the same life path and would not work. In that we grew apart and both looked to fulfill those needs
ones needs are important.. But a big lesson for our selfish spoiled generation in our relationships is going to be sacrifice, which a lot of us me based people not little about.
The more you know yourself. The more you will be whole with that other person and they will be too…..
some good books
THE Genius and the BEAST..by bloom
the way of the superior man by Deida
this is really depressing.
What a load of crap. I get that both men and women have these urges to not be in relationships and to have multiple partners but, if you’re one of those people, don’t enter into a monogamous relationship!
Stop acting like you’re too cool to be tied down. Stop making excuses that Mormons (really?), Mafia mean, Europeans have mistresses and just sleep with who you want to without involving/hurting others in your quest for free love.
It’s dumb that this guy admits to seeing someone exclusively, but still has every intention on going off with other girls. That’s not called being exclusive, it’s just called being a jerk.
Yes, that’s more about being a jerk, and way less about being honest and shit.
I feel like he is trying this ‘tell it like it is’ approach but is just ending up sounding like a dick. There are LOTS of guys who can give girls realistic insights, but this particular one just comes off as arrogant, ignorant, and a bunch of other words.
LADIES: STOP dealing with the “no labels”-guy. They will always prove to be unworthy.
Ladies you put up with this shit? Some half assed attempt to explain why boys in men’s bodies act the way they do? Boys, grow the fuck up! You are going to have to have more than an unkempt beard, poorgeosie wardrobe, and angsty poetry to be grown up You are in your 20s now. Give up this adolescent grab ass bull shit. The “humanism” explanation is weak as water. Just because you have a college education and can elaborate on (not explain) your behavior does not make it any less “High School”. Learn to live beyond just yourself you selfish children.
GO SCOTT!
WOOO
“to keep you from resenting that love”???
<<>
alexi we don’t visit your blog to read this type of horseshit. we prefer your horseshit. enough with the guests.
for some reason the word inside my pointy brackets was not published. that word was BARF.
well, i still have a part two to post. so, don’t be too bummed lucy! and thank you for making sure your ‘barf’ was seen. xoxo
I really can’t wait to see the 2nd part of this post!!
We’re all a bunch of brats from 80’s wanting more and more.
bridgettemcgraw.blogspot.com
i’m interested to see what boycrazy has to say in response to this. and i agree with everyong – this shit is depressing.
just wanted to let you know ton of my friends are now going on your website becuase of my fucking awesome button and sticker distribution