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THE MONSTER ASKS ABOUT LOVE: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
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You’re only in love with the idea of love. You over-think it, over-analyze, etc. I think you’re a lot like me: I love chasing girls and imagining all that is possible, that it’ll be a love for the ages, but once they fall for me I get bored easily and fall right in love again fifteen times a day with another fifteen women, even if it’s just passing them in a toiletry aisle at Target or picking up some tortillas from Northgate. We’re doomed – and probably perfect for each other!
Interesting.
Sorry for no video reply.
Right now i have a friend in japan, that is absolutely crazy for this guy, but, he is completely over here and she isn’t. She says that it was “love at first sight” ( which i don’t believe in. If that were true, I’d be in love with every female I’ve laid eyes on ) and that when they met, it was like fireworks blah blah blah… But, it ended in the blink of an eye. She is totally stuck on him. They’ve been broken up for little over a year now and she still has him on her mind. To the point that she is afraid to go anywhere, thinking he will be there with his new girl. She cries on the phone with me for hours upon hours, going on about how special he was to her and how she is soooo stupid for being in love with him, thinking she was giving “too much” and possibly annoying him.
Im a damn good “guy” friend for even listening to her, seeing as we were once “something” ( whatever that means )
You sound like your looking for the wrong thing maybe. How long do you wait before you move on to the next guy??
Perhaps you are just falling in love with the image of the man, rather than the man himself.
True Love is what you make it. It’s not “Will it last?”, it’s “How can WE make it last?”. Both parties are equally responsible for the longevity of the relationship. When it’s one-sided, it usually wont last.
sry to be harsh but, you say you are super romantic, yet you are single? forgive if I’m wrong.
I don’t know, I barely know of you.
Besides being the lady that posts vids of her cutting herself shaving, and making out with dudes in fluffy white blankets.
Going into a relationship, we all have our “wants” and “needs” and its up to the other person to deliver, but you have to also understand that the other party has their “wants” and “needs” and its only right that if we receive, we should also give.
Love can withstand anything, if you think it can.
Love is just a title we give to our “OWN” emotion.
The love you receive from one guy, will be totally different from another guy.
Plus, it doesn’t help when a lot of guys just want to “hit it and quit it”.
There is HOPE. There is TRUE LOVE. Sometimes it just means you’ve gotta take things slowly.
Ganbare!
Jme
xx
hey! i just wanted to tell you that i get how youre feeling, completely, but im lucky to have my parents to look up to as a beacon of constant love and togetherness.
they met in the 70s when my mum was in her mid to late 20s and my day was early/mid 20s, at a socialist workers party conference in skegness in england (we’re english, my dads from scotland, my mums from wales, they both moved to london when they were 18). basically they saw loads of speakers about marxism and socialism and all this great inspiring stuff and then had a massive piss up party where they met. when i was younger my mum would say “we kissed on the dancefloor” but later i found out they had a one night stand, haha! in the morning they said bye but when they came back to england my mums best friend annie found out my dad worked for one of their good friends at a print shop. so she dragged my mum all across some park to go ask him out, and when she got there she was all like “ohhh umm hii err wanna come to the pub…” and she says ‘the rest is history’ but that makes me think theres some other family trauma theyre covering up!
anywho my parents didnt get married til i was 15 because they never felt the need, i have a twin brother and an older brother (who was 19 when they got married). now that im 18 and i think about them being my age and moving away from practically their whole cultures to london…it just makes me so hopeful that one day i can have a love like theirs, that i can meet someone in that sort of coincidence way and then spend the rest of my life with them….idk sorry for rambling i havent been to sleep yet and its 9am my time, but i love you alexi! and i hope you feel better sooon xxxx
My english sux, so here’s a written comment instead of video:
A beautiful friend of mine, who’s iranian by blood but swedish by birth, has a good life story for you. Her parents – individually, without knowing each other –fled from Iran, alone, when they were very young, because of political persecution. They both went to america, Texas maybe, can’t remember, and ended up in the same language class, where they fell madly in love. They were the first person either of them ever fell in love with, and in a matter of weeks they went on a road trip to Vegas and got married – two rebellious iranian kids (and i bet they were pretty too cause my friend’s a hottie) with huge dreams, just making a run for it and finding each other in the process. My friend turns 30 this year, she has two older brothers, and her parents are still together, still madly in love.
Hey Gorgeous,
I’m gonna try to make a video of my parents, although they are 5 thousand miles away I’ll work something out. You will like to know their marriage of 35 going on 36 years. The love at the very first sight. My mom says that the first time my dad saw her the first thing that came out of his mouth was: “What took you so long to show up in my life?” and bam! basically a year later they got married.
I was married for 9 years and my parents always told me that the secret for lasting relationships lies on 3 fundamental rules that must always be present. Of course Love, Respect (which is the part that has the loyalty, honesty, etc) and great sex. I can say for experience that the day I forgot about it, everything went downhill and after 9 years I divorced my wife. Today I look back and I can point precisely where it went wrong, where I failed, things that next time I have someone will be on constant warning so I don’t screw up again.
Well is 4 am and I’ve got clinic in @ 8 am, so have a good one, I can tell you the rest of the story later, there are several pictures of them on my facebook.
Beijo, Me liga
Tchau!
Rod
My parents have been together forever and my brothers and sisters are going on multi-several bazillion years. Me=different story. The main thing to remember is: people do what they want to do or have to do and if it’s not compatible with what you want to do or have to do, it’s definitely not going to work out. Maybe I’ll get a video together as I’m sure you and your fans would enjoy it.
My parents have been together forever and my brothers and sisters are going on multi-several bazillion years with their spouses. Me=different story. The main thing to remember is: people do what they want to do or have to do and if it’s not compatible with what you want to do or have to do, it’s definitely not going to work out. Maybe I’ll get a video together as I’m sure you and your fans would enjoy it.
I met her when i was 11…im 24 now. 13years NEVER OFF, NEVER APART, NEVER LOST THE FEELING I HAD THE FIRST DAY I MET HER. Shes good to me, ive come from the very bottom coming from a impoverished family that was on and off homeless, she was my reason to leave the gang filled neighborhoods, she was my reason to be creative, she was my reason to progress, she was my reason for never give up my dreams, shes hurt me many times when ive messed up, but i learn from my mistakes and grow and become better and better as each day passes, she was with me when i was homeless, she was with me when i was hungry, when no one wanted to give me there time, she was with me when i gave it my all and shes with me today where im top of the game, living with her in a 9th floor apartment in Downtown Los Angeles. If something was to knock me down to the very bottom where i started i will not be afraid because 1.im already familiar with the territory and 2.she will be with me threw it to help me out again. Everyday i wake up with her on my mind and goto sleep thinking what we can do together the following day, She..is a skateboard. I know you probly laughed. But i now am known in everycity ive ever visited because of her, im in magazine because of her, i pay my rent solely from what i do with her, i travel, meet the most amazing people in the world and live freely becuase of her, and i can never see me losing the love for Her. Haha, i used my love for it to reflect similaritys in a working love. you have to not be afraid of making a mistake but you must learn from it, you mess up once you roll an ankle…you do that again youll break it. for my love to keep going with it i cant do the same things i did when i started, my games evolved and very techinical and has taken hard work to figure out, so i think in a relationship you should also be open to working on finding deeper love then just common movies you like or favorite places to eat like the first date, everyday you need to look into that person and go deeper to find further possiblities and ways to apply earlier findings to a biggerscale to life and youll love everyday waking up with them knowing how you can use eachothers deepest possiblities to have the funnest enjoyable life. Well…thats how i see it atleast.
I literally was talking about this 2 days ago with my friend. I’m 28, approaching that big scary 3-0 that society deems some sort of marriage-appropriate age (God forbid I’m single! Ah!), and I have to wonder the same thing…My last relationship lasted 4 years…four fucking years! I had a bachelor’s degree in a relationship, and of course at first it was all butterflies and rainbows and unicorns and all that…but that faded, we became stagnant, and eventually realized we needed to break up. Before that, each relationship I thought “maybe this is it! I’m in love!” and those too, eventually ended. Of course like you said, every relationship is subjective and you just never know. But it can be a little terrifying to think that maybe this is just how it works? You fall in love, and eventually you get bored, and you either keep the relationship going based on a deeper FRIENDship, or you bail. So many of my young friends who’ve gotten married are already divorced, and I truly don’t want that. But despite that all…I think we have to have hope! Hope that at some point on this crazy journey we’ll meet someone who at least thinks about this the same way we do, and knows just what to do mutually to keep that fire alive. As discouraging as it can be, I do think it’s out there. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you my dear, and hope someone out there is doing the same for me. X’s and O’s!
Hey Alexi, Love is a MUDAFUKER!!! Hahahaaaa this is what my brother always says. I think the only real thing is the moments that make us feel love, embrace them cu’s to me that is love, moments that you can go back to and feel. Long lasting things never last. ASK YOURSELF THIS CAN YOU ONLY BE WITH ONE GUY, OLNLY LOVE ONE GUY, DO YOU THINK IF THE ONE CAME YOU WOULD LOVE HIM FOREVER WITHOUT FEVER FALLING FOR SOME OTHER GUY. I think the world has changed and love has to. Grandparents love was pretty awesome because they would make sacrifices for each other and there was no internet and all these new ways of keeping in touch with so many possible partners. The new world has in a way made it so easy for us to interact with so many other people that it’s hard to keep true to only one.
I love you blog.
Ro
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love
Umm, who said you had to lose your virginity to your first love?? Kiddding. I don’t have any crazy stories, but yes, I absolutely believe in lasting love. I’m 29 and have been with my bf for four years—I thought it would NEVER happen! I think like Matthew said above, you shouldn’t overthink it. When you do that, you stir up feelings that might not even be real. I also think timing is EVERYTHING, as cliche as that is. You could meet someone you’re crazy in love with who feels the same way about you, but if one of you isn’t ready to commit, it’s not going to last. Love is not enough. Umm yeah, I learned that the hard way in college.
http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/
My question is, living in L.A, what is the general perception of love there? I feel like that sort of environment would advertise the idea of being independent and promiscuous, to be wild and play hard. Perhaps you don’t (or maybe you do) beleive in long lasting love, or have never though of it to work, because where you are right now is the kind of place where speed dating is a safe term for regular dating. Or no dating at all. Maybe you should go to Paris or Rome or Spain, where people are laid back, luxurious but in a healthy way, and where romance is in the air at all times, you can see it in the cities and in the people.
Get away from where you are now and experience life where you can experience it to the fullest.
-vnost
My parents got married after only three months of dating and even less time knowing each other beforehand (my father was the tour guide at a certain university, which persuaded my mother to go there for graduate school). They were both in their mid-late twenties, and I think felt pressured to get married because they were “getting on.” Anyway, it’s been 30 years since and they’re still married, and seem very happy with their family at the life they’ve created together. They still have sex (the knowledge of this totally skeeves me out, but I’m still glad to know they enjoy the romantic facet of their relationship), and while with time I think they have become more companionable, they still very much love each other, and have a good deal of faith in one another. Their partnership has always been equal, which I think helps tremendously, and after all of this time, they still have long philosophical conversations, which is one of the reasons they were attracted to each other in the first place.
If you think of marriage/being committed to one person as a partnership in which they are your intellectual, social (not class, ya know, like outgoing or introverted), and spiritual equal and value physical needs as much as you do, I think a commitment can last. Keep in mind that you want to be with someone complimentary, not just superficially compatible, and that there’s always a good deal of work to be done in a relationship.
Chin up, missy, I know you’ll pull through.
Best,
Alice
i am 31 and have watched the relationships that last (some marriages, some about to be), where the couple is genuinely in love. the first thing to know is that it doesn’t start out as a crazy high. you don’t feel high. you feel calm and comfortable. there’s a lot of talking. thats one thing I have noticed about the real relationships – when I ask how did it start, its always – and then we just talked for like, hours and hours.
I get what you are asking and I do believe love lasts, but mature love between two adults isn’t an epic crazy feeling – its more like its just easy and calm and happy.
and thats also because both parties have some relationships already under their belts and know who they are/what they want.
I like your video and the deep questions you propose. My answer is, I don’t know. I hope so.
On a different note, DUDE!! I didn’t know you are an actress! Is that you in the York Peppermint Patty commercial? I totally think it is. I saw the commercial last night, and then I totally googled you and I was all like, Boyfriend, I read her blog! She loves boys and she’s awesome!
i completely understand how you feel on this one…but i know that love can last. my parents have been married for twenty years. and they are still madly in love. they always say that when they first saw each other it was one of those “where have you been my whole life???? you are who i was waiting for.” often times i don’t get how their relationship works, but then i recognize that they both put a lot of effort and sacrifice a lot for each other. marriage, long-term love, whatever it is, takes a whole shit ton of work and commitment from both sides. what my parents have is very beautiful.
as for me, i don’t know if i’m destined for marriage. i’m young and all this could change of course. i am also a very romantic person. i enjoy falling in love, its fun, exciting, and beautiful. and even if i don’t find love that lasts forever with one person, i am still so very in love with the world i live in. this place is amazing!! there is so much on earth to love. everyday i wake up feeling more in love with life and humanity. i’m in love with music and my friends, the way tomorrow always comes.
so i know that no matter if i have a guy to love or not, i will always have this beautiful world to love, along with my family and friends.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hachik%C5%8D
love is what you make it. some people toss around the L word to get in panties, but some people say it for 50 years without missing a beat.
My wife and I first saw each other at Fall Convocation our Junior year in college. We were both intrigued by the other and asked the girl sitting between us and each got the same answer “Oh that’s just…” A week passed and we never ran into each other (small school so it was odd) and one night she shows up to use my roommates computer for a project in class. She stayed the night and we talked. We dated and became really good friends along the way. We marrired and had a daughter and are still together 18 years later. Neither of us were looking when we met and I think that was the key for us. Because we were open and ready but not looking the right person appeared.
Love is not always easy and its not always what you expect, but it is an awesome ride.
Dick pics last forever!
Yes and no. Mostly no.
My parents met in high school (my mom was a senior and my dad was a sophomore, so needless to say he worked hard for her). They dated throughout their late teens, got married in their late twenties and have been together ever since! I think about this sometimes and wonder if I have met my future husband.. I (sort of) hope not!
“Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.” – H. L. Mencken
When we were dating/living together I knew she was the one when I could look to the future (10,20,30 years down the road) and I could see us together. Not saying I could see anything else, but the future was a little less scary and mysterious because I knew we would be there together regardles of what would happen. I realized also that we were best friends. We do all the things that best buds do. We hang out, do stuff, party, do a million other different mundane things together because we are best friends and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company just like best friends do…plus that other thing that makes us ALL happy! So you see, for us, that is what keeps us going. We do have 2 rules though that are LAW in our relationship. 1. I refuse to argue over money. Its to easy to get and to easy to get rid of. 2. NO CHEATING! Why would you disrespect the person that you love (YOUR BEST FRIEND!) like that? There is the short version of it from our house here in NC.
What I am getting from your question here is that you are in search of some answers. Lexi what you will get from us are responses, not answers. Look at the myriad of responses you have already had. None of them answer YOUR question. I have told you how MINE was answered just as eveyone else has told you how THEIRS was answered. I’ve been thinking on this since I started reading this blog and it looks to me that you want to be in love, but there is a part of yourself that says “no I am not going to allow that to happen (again?…yes I think so) becuase what if after all that commitment, it turns out not to be reciprocated”. Or worse yet, the person you love stops loving you (never quite been able to figure that one out). The truth is, you have to have the courage to find your own answers and the wisdom to know it when you experience it. Don’t know if that helps.
On a side note I think Brunette Lexi is way hot, but blonde long hair Lexi is totally stop traffic gorgeous!
My parents have been married for 35 years. They’ve been together even longer. I’m a momma’s boy and I often have conversations with her about her relationship with my dad and the one thing she always says that sticks with me is HAVE COMMON INTERESTS. Be each other’s best friend. If you find someone who could never possibly bore you and vice-versa for them, that is what LASTS in relationships. My parents do everything together and they have so many hobbies and things in common, I believe that is what has kept them together for all these years.
It’s the perfect foundation for any relationship. Whether it is a new one, or a long distance one or been going on for years. Because when the “honeymoon” stage ends, and it typically always does, it is those common interests and beliefs that will keep a couple together and strong and keep them having fun with one another for as long as possible.
Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic too, because I believe this with all my heart. THANKS MOM!! <3
I’m going to make a video of my boyfriends parents today xoxo I’ll send it tonight or tomorrow morning <3
I used to think that my parents love was amazing, and that it would last forever.
My parents met when my mother was sixteen–my father is three years older. At 20 my mother gave birth to me. At 26 she got married to him, and now, three children later they are still together.
But, then there are so many other things under the surface of that… like, when I was 18 I found out that my father had another daughter, with another woman–and that daughter is the same age as I am.
Yea, so… things aren’t so perfect after all.
I have only ever been in one relationship–and I use that word loosely, because it was so bad that I even cried while having sex with this person–I don’t know what ever made me agree to put a label on whatever little figment of a relationship we had.
Other times, strangely enough, I have only been in love with people who were physically unable to be with me–they were always far away but I always thought “yea, this person gets me” So, because my love only came under painful circumstances, I started to link pain with love–or love with pain.
It isn’t real love until it hurts.
But now, at 20, I’m with someone, who I call my boyfriend, and who I’m happy to call my boyfriend.
And while we’ve only just started dating, he tells me a lot that he models a lot of how he treats me off the way his father treats his mother.
I’ve seen his parents together and they look as blissfully in love as you could ever imagine any two people to be, and they’ve been married for over thirty years I think.
But when I see that I remember my parents, and the fact that there is always little things beneath the surface, or at least the potential.
And it’s sad because that’s incredibly pessimistic…
But–we can’t ever judge love off what we see externally–we can only ever go by our own experience.
And so far…. I haven’t experienced that everlasting love–maybe in 50 years, I’ll be able to tell you.
Alexi, you should read this excerpt from the book Blink. http://www.enotalone.com/article/3935.html
Malcolm Gladwell discusses a scientist who can predict relationship outcomes in 5 to 10 years with startling accuracy, based solely on analyzing their facial expressions when they talk to each other (even in casual conversation). They’ve found that the #1 expression associated with a relationship that will end = contempt.
How do you translate that into lasting love? I guess make sure you share a mutual admiration/respect.
Also– what Rod said. Great sex is the key. Don’t ever stop having sex, even when you’re old. That’s what older couples always tell me…
My parent’s twenty-six year marriage is nothing romantic or beautiful. My dad is twelve years older than my mother. Their marriage was arranged. They’re both 100% Indian. It wasn’t one of those, marry my 12-year-old-daughter-off-to-someone-twice-her-age affairs, though. She was in her 20s and him 30s, I believe. It was convenient and it was the thing to do back then — have your family find your life partner. Heck, they still do it.
Their marriage is shit. There’s no respect… or even friendship. But you can’t get divorced if you’re a Hindu…
Everyone has friends who have friends who have parents/grandparents that have been together for 3082348 years and are “completely happy.” Are these couples simply too old to care? Too comfortable? Is love really still there? I find it hard to believe. It’s much more probably that they are simply together out of circumstance, just as as my parents are. My parents will never get divorced, but they never should have been married either.
I feel like all of this “true love” floating around between elderly couples is really just relationships that last out of convenience and circumstance. I really want someone to prove me wrong, though.
“To say ‘I love you’ one must know first how to say the ‘I.’”
To love is to value. The man who tells you that it is possible to value without values, to love those whom you appraise as worthless, is the man who tells you that it is possible to grow rich by consuming without producing and that paper money is as valuable as gold . . . . When it comes to love, the highest of emotions, you permit them to shriek at you accusingly that you are a moral delinquent if you’re incapable of feeling causeless love. When a man feels fear without reason, you call him to the attention of a psychiatrist; you are not so careful to protect the meaning, the nature and the dignity of love.
Love is the expression of one’s values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another. Your morality demands that you divorce your love from values and hand it down to any vagrant, not as response to his worth, but as response to his need, not as reward, but as alms, not as a payment for virtues, but as a blank check on vices. Your morality tells you that the purpose of love is to set you free of the bonds of morality, that love is superior to moral judgment, that true love transcends, forgives and survives every manner of evil in its object, and the greater the love the greater the depravity it permits to the loved. To love a man for his virtues is paltry and human, it tells you; to love him for his flaws is divine. To love those who are worthy of it is self-interest; to love the unworthy is sacrifice. You owe your love to those who don’t deserve it, and the less they deserve it, the more love you owe them—the more loathsome the object, the nobler your love—the more unfastidious your love, the greater your virtue—and if you can bring your soul to the state of a dump heap that welcomes anything on equal terms, if you can cease to value moral values, you have achieved the state of moral perfection.
To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish man, a man of self-esteem, is capable of love—because he is the only man capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, unbetrayed values. The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
Love isn’t whimsy or subjective. romantic love, in the full sense of the term, is an emotion possible only to the man (or woman) of unbreached self-esteem: it is his response to his own highest values in the person of another—an integrated response of mind and body, of love and sexual desire. Such a man (or woman) is incapable of experiencing a sexual desire divorced from spiritual values.
“Philosophically, Romanticism is a crusade to glorify man’s existence; psychologically, it is experienced simply as the desire to make life interesting.” – ayn rand
I wrote this 6 years ago when i was learning about “love” im 29 now.
I CHEATED MYSELF INTO THINKING IT WAS RATIONAL WHEN RATIONAL WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT FIRST AND FELT IT LAST. I WANTED TO KNOW WHERE I STAND, HOW IRRATIONAL OR RATIONAL AM I. AFTER I KISS HER AM I GOING TO FEEL WE WERE BOTH PULLING AND ITS OK OR AM I GOING TO FEEL IM JUST GOING TO GO BACK TO MY IRRATIONAL SELF, OR WAS I GOING TO REALIZE THAT MY WORK IS MORE IMPORTANT AND WHAT I VALUE IN HER IS NOT ENOUGH NOR PERFECT, AND HOW I KNOW NOW THAT IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOR DOESNT FEEL GOOD UNLESS YOU HAVE EVIL INTENTIONS, WHEN I COULD OF JUST HAD THE ABSTRACTION OF KISSING BEFORE I KISSED AND KNOW THAT GOOD IS GOING TO HURT ME SINCE I HAVE NO REASON TO DO IT. WHAT WORK DO I HAVE TO SHOW THAT I VALUE MYSELF? WHAT WORK DOES SHE HAVE? WHY DOES SHE VALUE ME? AND WHY DO I VALUE HER? BOTH LEADING TO THE FACT THAT WE ARENT ABSOLUTE ABOUT EACH OTHER LET ALONE OURSELVES. REALIZING THAT AFTER I DID IT MADE ME UPSET, UNTIL I FELT ABSOLUTE THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. I CHEATED MYSELF INTO THINKING IT WAS RATIONAL WHEN RATIONAL WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT FIRST AND FELT IT LAST. I CANT FEEL OR KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IM NOT ABSOLUTE, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL TEACHER POSSIBLE FOR ME OR ANYONE. IM LEARNING SLOW BUT GRASPING MY WORK, EVERYDAY GETS BETTER AND I SHOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I FEEL THAT YOU ARE GOING TO ACT DIFFERENT TWARDS ME NOW, SINCE I FAILED. BUT SEEING IT NOW FROM CONCRETE PROOF MAKES ME KNOW BETTER. I FEEL YOU WHEN YOU SAY “I GOT ALOT OF WEIGHT ON YOUR BACK” ESPECIALLY WHEN I DO SHIT LIKE THIS PLACING ANOTHER BRICK ON. IM NOW FEELING THAT I CANT FAIL AT KNOWING WHAT YOUR TEACHING ONLY WHEN I CAN FEEL WHAT YOUR SAYING WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING. I FEEL MY HONESTY WILL HELP ME KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH MY VALUES. KISSING HER DIDNT FEEL RIGHT BECAUSE ITS NOT RIGHT, I COULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN SURE OF THAT. EVEN THOUGH I CANT KNOW IF THIS IS RIGHT. BUT WE BOTH HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT IT AND FEEL THE SAME FROM IT. SHE HELPS ME UNDERSTAND WHAT IM FEELING. YOU HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT I KNOW NOW, ALONG WITH WHERE I STAND IN MY REALITY.
http://sensationalconcretes.blogspot.com/
be my friend.
My friend’s parents met in high school and they’re still together. No, it’s not like one of those situations where the girl gets preggo and the guy is like, “Oh god! I have to marry her to take care of this kid!” They fell in love and DIDN’T have their first kid til their 30s. They were high school sweethearts, college sweethearts, yadda yadda and TO THIS DAY they are completely still in love with each other. So yeah, it’s possible for love to last. Also, my motherfucking grandparents are still together and they have no problems with each other.
You’re such a modern west coast Carrie Bradshaw it’s fabulous
Except prettier
“Love” is just like “magic.” I want to believe in it, too. And I do! But the truth is you can’t know, because if you knew, then it wouldn’t be love. It has to be unknown. Isn’t that the way magic works, too? I praise you for being another philosopher on the ever popular subject of love, and quite a good one. We need you to do the philosophizing for us. But to be able to say yes Alexi, your love will last with this person and you wont’ be alone forever — well, no body can say that. Even someone’s 90-year-old, together-forever grandparents. You never know when something like contempt could brew. Accepting the unknown outcome is key to remaining happy in any of life’s unpredictable situations, but I think you might already have that one figured out, too.
Also, I LOVE the dick pics comment. They really DO last forever. Especially when you don’t want them to, in cyberspace.
bunny-
hey bun bun love is not whimsy or “magical” theres no such thing as love at first sight and its not a subjective feeling. read what i wrote above.
Firstly, I think your comment represents exactly what I’m trying to say, it’s a sacred personal belief. No one else can tell you what it means and we are free to define it ourselves. Just because you believe what you wrote doesn’t mean it resonates with me or the person who wrote this post or anyone.
Now, secondly, how did you know everyone calls me bun bun?
bun bun bun bun bun bun bun. im not trying to force my philosophy i just know that to love is to value and not much more. i think its basic math and most girls think of it as whimsy feeling, i was just trying to prove that there is an objective way to define love bunbun.
p.s. i call my girlfriend bun bun short for “bunny”.
of course there is. Take John Wooden. The things is, sustainable love has to do with loyalty of the heart as a characteristic of the person who loves you, and that is rare. But I guess that is why it is so special, because if you find such a person you are truly blessed.
watch this alexi…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFbZckxrTTQ
This is from his wikipedia page: “Wooden has remained devoted to Nell, even decades after her death. Since her death, he has kept to a monthly ritual (health permitting)—on the 21st, he visits her grave, and then writes a love letter to her. After completing the letter, he places it in an envelope and adds it to a stack of similar letters that has accumulated over the years on the pillow she slept on during their life together.”
also, in 2008 when Indiana State wanted to honor coach Wooden by naming their home court after him, he refused, unless his wife Nell’s name was included. When they agreed to include her name, he refused again, unless they put her name first before his.
this gave me hope. thanks. I now know I’m not alone
I don’t believe in love. Plain and simple.
Love is just as I Am. That is love
this is my hope and what I hold on too..My parents have been happily married for 32 years. No cheating no seperation..sure hard time but mostly financially due to have twin boys and then me 4 years later. They met orginally at a softball game.My dad had just started his second year of community college and was out with friends. He saw my mother from across the field. He had never asked a girl out nor dated anyone. She was a hot commidty with guys but kept enjoying single life after watching the rest of her family be unhappy in relationships. Both were saving themselved for marriage.
My father walked over to her and asked her out. She said thanks but no thanks she didnt date guys with long hair. In the 70’s this was a huge thing to not have a long hair..lol.He came back the next week at a game had all of his hair cut off and asked her out again. My mother completely suprised by the fact this man didnt know her went out and cut his hair for her. She agreed. They dated for 3 months when my father proposed and got married 6 months after that due to the fact an apartment came available quicker then they thought for them to live together in. They lived seperatly until the day they got married. My father worked two jobs and my mother worked to make ends meet thru pretty much most of our lives. Still to this day and espcially in hard times growing up they still managed to always put family first and keep the spark alive.
As my mother puts it times have changed and women have changed. Women in the sense of empowermant have taken it upon themselves to do alot of the work physically,emotionally, and mentally, in the sense of equalness but then they become jaded because they aren’t getting what they want. In fairness to the guys the women settled from the begining and knew what they were getting into. I think its about knowing whats important to you and what your willing to settle on and what you have to in a relationship. If you settle on the wrong thing and then look back 7 years later and are unhappy it could have been prevented from the start.
http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a161/citrgurl44/?action=view¤t=clip-2010-01-28210142.flv
This was done right after i saw your post, i look a hot mess but on i did it on a whim, enjoy i hope that in some small way help.
My partner and I have been together for three years and have lived together for two. We are just as much in love now as we in the beginning, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with them.
We tell each other we love each other everyday. We love spending time together. I still get excited to hear their voice and see them coming in the door.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDZ65o9hJkk
I hope love like that is real. I’m yet to have to opportunity to experience it for myself, and I’m horrified I may never. That’s one thing that definetly keeps me awake. I’m a hopeless romantic too, I get new crushes every day.
I don’t know if I know people who are substantial proof but I think my parents are a nice story ~ The night they met my Dad was dragged out to a bar by his friend and on the way in the car he turned to his friend and said “I think I’ll meet the girl I marry tonight”. He just had a feeling I guess. So he met my Mum and they went on a coffee date or whatever, and they were engaged 5 weeks later. Dad’s taking her to Paris for their 25th wedding anniversary this April too. I doubt they’re the representation of a perfect couple that you’re looking for, but they’re pretty cute! There names are even Paul and Pauline! Haha. But they would never agree to be filmed, haha, sorry! xxoo
Yeah. I need to get myself into a duprass.
bunch of whimsy hippies
Alexi,
Both of my grandmothers are widowed and all they talk about is how great their husbands were. One wears his ring on a chain around her neck and the other has lost her will to get off the couch because “there will never be anyone like him.” They both told me that it wasn’t always perfect and they had a lot of failed romances before finding “the one” but when you know you know. Frustrating, right?
Anyhow, I thought you might find solace in the photography of my friend — not only is she happily married at our age, she also has a knack for capturing l-o-v-e with a camera: http://www.kristenlynnphotographie.com
xo
My parents met on a blind date. Had sex on the second date. Decided to get married on the third date. They’re still passionately in love 30 years later. So yes, apparently depravity can lead to a long-lasting relationship!
damn. seems like we don’t have a chance. gonna go listen to hole. seems hopeless. feel like my chances are very bad, at this time.
You are not a monster, stop calling yourself that! I know it’s a play on words or a call for attention. WTH. It just bugs me when people say things or express things that do not align with who they are or who they want to be.
You want everlasting love? Stop calling yourself a monster, energy sucking vampires love monsters.
Love is everywhere, like it or not. It is in your food, it is in the air that you breathe, and even in the boys we sleep with for a temporary high but until we unlock our hearts and accept our responsibilities in our own perceptions of “love,” everything else will be presented to us in fragments.
Love can mean one partner for the rest of one’s life, love can mean having an open relationship, or having a partner that lives in different homes.
It is up to you and your partner, not what society deems. Women now have the power to choose a love that fits her more than ever, it is up to her and her man to decide what kind of love relationship they have.
Burn some more mofo sage. You are wonderful. I love you.
Alexi, this is you in the future http://www.thelovegoddess.com
“i am 31 and have watched the relationships that last (some marriages, some about to be), where the couple is genuinely in love. the first thing to know is that it doesn’t start out as a crazy high. you don’t feel high. you feel calm and comfortable. there’s a lot of talking. thats one thing I have noticed about the real relationships – when I ask how did it start, its always – and then we just talked for like, hours and hours.
I get what you are asking and I do believe love lasts, but mature love between two adults isn’t an epic crazy feeling – its more like its just easy and calm and happy.
and thats also because both parties have some relationships already under their belts and know who they are/what they want.”
I couldn’t agree more. So true. It’s that natural comfort that’s inevitable in successful, happy relationships.
What’s love? I’m 29, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 13 years. We met at 16 and had that stupid, giddy, euphoric relationship that involves nonsense like eskimo kisses and tickle fights. It’s never stopped. Love is your best friend, love is no boundaries, love is when you adopt a kitten and don’t worry about who gets it if you break up. Love is when his mom makes you cupcakes and your mom hems his pants.
Love is shitty apartments and low funds but enough money to go to the movies for air conditioning and public cuddling in the summer.
It’s lasted. And we love it.
Is it mature adult love? Partially, but does it have to be?
Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean it can’t be epic. Just because we’ve aged doesn’t mean we don’t feel just as we did at 16.
Was it our first relationship? No.
First love? At this point I’d say definitely.
It lasts. Find the right person. Talk like you’d talk to your best friend and then someday, hopefully, you will be.
PS. My parents met at 16 as well, they’re still married, and still giddy. Both sets of my grandparents met in their late teens to early twenties, and until the day they died adored eachother like no one I’ve ever seen.
It lasts. A long relationship doesn’t mean a good relationship, but its a fairly accurate indicator.
Just because a relationship may only last two years (or 6 months) doesn’t mean it wasn’t true, soul-rocking, clock-shocking love; it just means that one, or both, members of the relationship eventually changed a little too much. Some people just don’t change much in 30 years and when they’re partnered with someone similar, the love can easily last that long.
On the other hand, it’s better to change and risk losing love than to stunt one’s growth just to hold on to a love that won’t survive the change. Looking, exclusively, for the 30-year-love limits your chance of enjoying a wide variety of other kinds. Having said that: long-term love is more likely to come (in most cases) when you’re older and a little less likely to change. Even seemingly trivial stuff like taste in movies or music has an impact on the sustainability of a relationship and those things tend to stabilize in your 30’s.
When you find love, enjoy it: the duration has nothing to do with its depth. Juicy memories are a big part of a Good Life, too.
http://forum.howtogetyourexbackfast.com/topic/chicaloca-nc-diary?replies=11#post-20796
My ex gave me an andy warhol poster that said: i wonder if there is a love affair that lasts forever. Read my diary if you want, so you’ll see what love’s for me in this moment.
Love your blog.
i was in a 3 year realtionship, haha im only 17 and i was in it since 14. it just ended a few weeks ago. it may seem immature cuz its so young but its not. haha. well it was amazing and everything. but in the end i guess he just fell out of love with me. and of course i had to break up with him, how can i be with someone who doesnt love me as much as i love him? is that selfish? i mean it was three years. and he did before, i guess the flame on the candle went out for him. but not my candle, i was still madly in love with him and when i broke up with him i literrallllyyy wanted to die, is that crazy? like i have never felt so much pain in my life, i couldnt believe that pain even existed. but i had to get over him. i still love him, but i think maybe im falling out of love with him slowly. i definately have learned from this relationship, definately. i have high standards and people say im never gonna get a guy out there that meets my standards, but hey i meet my own standards so i guess its possible that there is someone like me. i thought we were going to get married, seriously.. i gave him my virginity!! hes the only guy ive even had sex with. i seroiusly felt 110% we were gonna spend together forever. but oh well, now i find myself reading my horoscope every single day to see whats gonna happen haha, what a pathetic loser right? well i believe in horoscopes, there so true. but anyways, i dont know, my parents are divorced, everyone i know are divorced, and high school friends have boyfriends, but break up. i have never really met anyone personally who has stayed with a significant other. i guess when your with a guy you just will never be too sure if ‘hes the one’ because in reality you dont know, you may have that gut feeling, but that gut feeling is a lie, we’ve all had it and we’ve all ended up breaking up. so the only way you will reallly know is if you can see the future. theres only a handful of people that i’ve heard of that actually are old and are together. so i guess your only motivation is hope at this point and just hope this guy or girl is the one (im not bisexual, speaking for both). Just have hope and faith and just not stress over it. just when you find a guy dont stress over if hes gonna marry you, just enjoy the time your with him and if it lasts it lasts, you just gotta wait and see where life takes you, everything happens for a reason, its not a coinsidence (spelled wrong, im not illiterate). make the best of what you have and if it doesnt work out then it wasnt meant to be, theres someone out there for everyone, you just may or may not find them, its a huge world, filled with milllions and millions and trillions of people, its kinda hard to find that one person.
Two stories of love that give me hope, and break my own heart at the same time.
The first is a couple I know. They met (somewhat inconceivably) while my father was on day release from prison. He was helping build a road, my mother was driving along and got stopped. They started talking, exchanged phone numbers, and went on their first date two weeks later. It was a picnic at a park across from the prison where my father would be for another six months. He swears it was love at first sight and can still remember what she was wearing when they first met. We still have the outfit in fact. She passed away five years ago and I still remember the devastation on his face when we found out she had terminal cancer. He looked after her in every way while she got sicker and sicker. He held her when she died. Theirs was a love that would have lasted had it not been for the cancer. They were together 25 years in total.
The second story is my aunt and uncle. They met at a party when she was 21 and my uncle was 25. They moved in together two weeks later and have now been together for thirty years. They still love each other just as much as when they first met. My uncle talks about my aunt like she is the most important thing in the entire universe, it is clear he loves her beyond anything else. Not only does he love her but he loves all the rest of us just because we are connected to her. She loves him just as equally, faults and all. It is inspiring.
These two love stories give me hope. I’m 24 now and while I know this is young, I wonder when it will be my turn to meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and be the love of my life. There have been contenders but no one who has ever lasted the distance. My family’s stories give me hope though that maybe it’ll happen… one day… hopefully soon!!
Kelly
http://www.storycorps.org/listen/stories/danny-and-annie-perasa
I think you’d appreciate this video.
or rather two not videos, but you understand.
NOTHING LASTS.
prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best alexi.
and stop the over analyzing!!! you’re going to drive yourself crazy!! the only truly great things ive ever had/experienced in life came to me in the blink of an eye and things go BAD once you start to question why it all is…hush your brain talk a little and just let everything BE. no one knows is there is a love between two separate souls that can last forever, but work on falling madly in love with yourself and the love you produce will come back definitely.
I love skateboarding and wandering around finding junk inside or outside of goodwill type stores… I love billiards, photography and coffee. I Only seem to fall in love with things that have no feelings and can’t love me back.
I can’t help it. Maybe is safer this way.
I do know that this love lasts though.
Unlike when I have a ladyfriend.
My grandparents are no longer with us for me to video them. However I wrote a song about their love story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ANX5eaVlrQ
does she actually read these and respond?
Oh gosh i think all the same things!!! I’ve always had this feeling like nothing will last… nothing works… but the my auntie and uncle make me have hope again.
The met… well over 10 years ago… but one of them lived in a different city so they maintained their long distance relationship for about 5 years and although they went through heaps of hardships they are still together today, finally living in the same city, happily married with a beautiful daughter and another on the way.
Their relationship just inspires me so much. Gives me hope. I never thought that people could be so happy and in love after so long.
When my auntie talks about her husband shes like a teenager all over again. she giggle and goes on about him like shes freshly fallen in love with him.
you’re so cute and this is such a vulnerable side of you- way brave of you to bare it to the world.
I think you’ll find it.
But then, I’m quite the hopeless romantic myself.
cheers!
“love” is to sacrifice everything you are for the other person.
to give your self up for them. to stop being selfish. when you love someone you have to let go of everything. pride, shame, shyness, selfishness, and just hope that person will “love” you back. i think now a days it’s harder to find “true love” because everyone is so scared of getting hurt that they dont want to put themselves in a vulnerable position and maybe getting hurt. we need to stop being scared of getting hurt.
nope. i personally dont believe in it, everything ends. the tingles and everything, they’ll eventually fade away. i know some people need to believe that they are some kind of everlasting love. me too. i still want to believe in it. but i can’t. ive seen it in my parents, ive experienced it myself. i was always drawn into the relationships i was in, i was no longer i, i was a “we”, always felt that my exes were only corporeally separated, but we were one. always fooled myself. and those.. always ended. and i’m always alone in the end. so i don’t believe in it. i can’t. eventhough i want to.
I think it depends on what you’re looking for and if you’re ready to be in a serious relationship, it will find you. I also think we have to get out of believing that things are going to be amazing and passionate and full of rose petals all the time. There will be times like that- but life isn’t always perfect and easy (obviously) and we shouldn’t expect love or relationships to be either. Full acceptance and of course commitment- the wanting to be with each other is necessary. Also- there is no infinite end all be all answer- everyone’s list of relationships if going to be different- some people will find the one and get married and stay married- others will have to perhaps end it if it eventually can’t workout and try again. I think it’s nice to hope for everlasting love- but you’re going to be okay if it isn’t.
I have never cried over a blog post, but this one did it.
I have never been too lucky in the love department. I haven’t found that person that sends me over the moon. And at times it does get very hard to hold on to the belief that it is out there.
But there is one thing that gives me hope for love. My great grandparents. They were together for 62 years, or would have been 62 years this June. Every time I would visit, they’d seem like newlyweds. The way they looked at each made me well up. Unfortunately, he passed away this past weekend. I was there with both of them as it happened and I have never felt that kind of heartbreak.
I’d be so lucky to find someone who loves me even half as much as they do each other.
So yes, I do believe that real love exists. And I’m a little shocked at how much I just revealed.
Love Grace.
The problem with fairytale romances is that they end at “Happily Ever After”, so they completely ignore the work that goes into a long term relationship. I was going through some people’s parents stories, I thought I should mix it up and tell my parents story, warts and all.
My parents got married in their early 20’s (my mom was 22 and my dad 21), they have been married for 22 years, and a bumpy 22 it was! They were separated for one of those years, because my dad cheated on my mom (a few times in their early years).
I have memories of being little and hearing them have screaming matches. My parents had every reason in the book to fight; they were young, there was infidelity, there was never enough money etc. I’m pretty sure anyone who reads this is going to think they should have just done themselves a favour, gotten a divorce, and moved on with their lives, but my mom decided to take him back because he begged, she loved him, and she wanted her kids to have a father. Oh no, an even worse reason right?
I thought that for a long time too, but over the years I’ve had some very long conversations with my dad (yeah I gave him hell for cheating on my mom!) where he explained that he hadn’t been mature enough to accept all of ugly things that went with being in a permanent relationship. He never used this as justification for cheating on my mom, but I asked for honesty and he gave it. It was a point from which he grew into the person/father/husband he is now. He had said “I do” but didn’t fill the role of husband until years later. As my mom would say, “He wasn’t always so good. He needed work Jessica, God how he needed work.”
Yes, so, my parents are still together and love each other very much. To the point where I no longer question whether they’re still just together for the kids. And no my dad’s not completely perfect, but he’s a good husband and father.
The point I’m trying to make is the relationships that last forever are the ones that take hard work, blood, sweat, tears and genuine commitment on the part of the two people involved. Ask either one of my parents what the backbone of a long lasting relationship is and they’ll tell you commitment, because the cold hard truth is that you WILL fall in and out of love, and you WILL change, and you WILL want to kill each other but that commitment is what WILL keep you together.
Take a look at this article about old folks in love…I think it has some really valid points.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/staticslideshowrs.aspx?cp-documentid=23367571>1=32023
Hello Alexi!
I think the idea of romanticism is a great ideology, but at the same time can be an albatross we all come to carry, depending on the person, which include their personality, environment, the way you grew up, all that mambo jumbo.
Growing up I was always the guy that was a huge romantic, and I’d go out of my way to impress either my crush or girlfriend in any way, but as time went on [heart broken, blah. blah] and great advice from my old man, I learned that you’ve just got to move on, fish in the sea, just have fun you’re young, play it cool.
Going into college I dated a few girls, broke up, blah blah, and decided like anyone at that young visceral age to just have fun with the guys and slay in the single life, and BOY did I have the time of my life. Did I mention it helped with my funk, because prior to that decision the girl who I was infatuated with broke mine.. well yes, it did, because like you I was obsessed with finding a mate, the perfect mate.
As time went on I met a girl, one that I tried playing it cool with, now this wasn’t any type girl because I never took her home or anything like that, but one that I kept in hindsight, but on one night when she begged me to go out dancing with her [at the time I was into my art, focused, I did my best at denying any type of relationship, heart on the shelf], well I decided, “What the hell.” We’d been talking for a month or so, but on that night it just hit me like an age old proverb waiting in the wings to kick my ass, all that advice my old man gave me was now in the form of an epiphany.
Now six years later we’re still together, living in a small humble apartment and going strong. The point is from one hopeless romantic to another is it’ll happen when it wants to and when it does you’ll have to make the decision of either wanting it or not. Now we have our problems and sometimes want to murder each other, and have broken up a few times [only early in the relationship, not so much at all], but at the end of the day we can only find ourselves being together.
So yes there is hope, if you want it, without looking, make sense? I think life can lead us into so many crossroads, but the ultimate is taking charge when it’s presented to you, and ultimately sticking to your guns. I mean it’s the most universal feeling that transcends to every generation: LOVE, how can you deny when it’s REAL.
wow, people write a lot, if I knew english as they I could write a lot too.
You’re such a great speaker, you should give some conferences about your opinion abour love and life.
Irv.
Love?
Let me tell you about love.
Love lasts forever, but not the love you’re talking about. Love won’t linger in any one shape or form, but rather, it changes and comes to mean something different as years go by, and the whole point of falling in love is to have someone with you who will go through those same changes with you.
My mom gave me a lot of advice growing up, but what she told me about love changed my life forever: It is possible to fall in love with someone who still isn’t right for you. It’s something everyone who dates should have to come to terms with.
The butterflies in your stomach and endless longing to spend every minute of your life with a person that you’re talking about. Feeling like you never want to get out of bed once you’ve lain down together. Dreaming up elaborate weddings and sexy nights of passion: These things do not last. It’s the things that come after this part of a relationship that hold the key to the future.
Thirty years from now, the man you love is not going to be the one that makes you scream his name at four in the morning. Thirty years from now, the one you love will be the one who makes you feel comfortable with the world, like your parents did when you were growing up. He’ll be the one that you go to for reassurance and approval in everything you do. He’s the one that will make you confident, and he’s the one that you won’t have to talk to every five minutes to know he’s there to help you always.
Ask yourself if you’ll still love the one you’re with when he starts to get old and can no longer take care of himself. Or what if he broke his back and could never walk again? Would you stay with him? Would you be up to the challenge?
If you can honestly say the answer to that question is yes, THAT is love that lasts forever.
You’re confusing lust and attraction with love. Love is not the feeling you get when you have his dick in your mouth (or vice versa). That’s the boycrazy feeling.
If you’re lucky I imagine you reach a plateau of contentment, and you both _work_ at it.
You know the paradox, you get one thing when you feel like you don’t need it. You get the girl when you don’t feel like you need to get her. I think it’s true about love too.
————————
Wow, I used the name of the blog in the comment,I’m so intelligent, I’m like Russell Brand with a receding hair line. I wish I’d made a video, but I’m too hairy to appear on video. Plus, I’m only interesting in writing.