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Buy retin a c.o.d., one thing led to another and before i knew it- we were rolling around naked, kissing... which yes, totally led to sex. but this was different, goedkope retin a apotheek. this wasn't like the flings I'd had months before. i was having a sexy time rendezvous/fling with a cuddly guy. his mouth said 'blah, blurg, sarcastic joke here, clumsy jab there!' but his body said 'love me, and i'll love you', buy retin a c.o.d.. Ordering retin a online legally, was this how he was with every girl. what was his MO. who knows. who cares, αγοράζουν φτηνά retin a. Buy retin a c.o.d., this was epic. we tickled eachother, held eachother, Kjøpe retin a, took breaks to spoon, he told me about his parents, we talked about dreams (listen, i have dream boards/to do lists of my goals ALL OVER MY APARTMENT, Køb discount retin a. sure they're facing the wall, so no one can read them- but if i didn't tell him, Purchase retin a, he would have just turned them around. i was at his mercy!)
i could see the little boy version of himself in his face. he didn't seem evil at all. even if he was a crass, dick pic'ing dude.
we looked deep into each others eyes, pretended to sleep with our mouths open and pressed together, like silly little kids, buy retin a c.o.d.. if there was ever a way to have a fling- this was the way to do it, comprar retin a. it was the best of both worlds: extreme emotional intimacy & tenderness MEETS casual cool & commitment free. two people sharing a moment and then moving on with their lives. Buy retin a cod, holy shit, he really DID look like a young Richard Gere. maybe he was the real life American gigolo- circa NOW Buy retin a c.o.d., . he was giving me the full experience, that's for DAMN sure!
it was loving sex, buy retin a online cheap. NOT the kind of sex where both people try to show off all the moves they've learned thus far. it was tender, Pharmacie retin a bon marché, not acrobatic (except for when he hoisted me onto the kitchen counter for a second). and as we looked into each-others eyes, i wanted to hug him as tight as i could so he'd feel love from another human being. i felt like he needed that or something, buy retin a c.o.d.. or maybe I was just projecting, retin a pharmacy. but I'm pretty intuitive! looking up at him, i could have said 'i love you'. Retin a without a prescription, i don't and i didn't, but it was that kind of moment. interspersed with talking about the past and the future and goals and relationships, etc, cheap retin a online. Buy retin a c.o.d., it didn't feel cheap.
after, as we lay in bed together, Montana MT Mont. , i had the realization: even though i'm having such a nice time, and this has been such a great affair, i (still) do not want to be in a relationship with anyone (right now/at this point in my life) and I'm so happy to be single.
the night before, online retin a, during our FIRST make-out, i had stopped kissing him and yelled: 'thank god for facebook. Discount retin a, this is exactly what i needed.' and now, post coital, i STILL felt that way. no regrets, retin a sale, no impulse to cry, i didn't feel more alone than ever. he put his arm around me, and i was fine, buy retin a c.o.d.. South Carolina SC S.C. , we stayed up till 5am, fell asleep for a sec, woke up at 6am, and i called him a cab so he could get his bags from his hotel and go to the airport, αγοράσετε retin a. he kissed me goodbye and left.
as the door closed behind him, Købe retin a online, thoughts like; 'shit, that was epic. Geeze, like, acheter retin a discount, um, wow, New York NY N.Y. , if he was gonna be in town for just a few days longer- i would have loved for us to show each other every sexual thing we've ever learned.' and 'we should just hole up in a Vegas hotel suite and have sex all weekend!' went through my dopamine riddled brain. Buy retin a c.o.d., later that day, i met up with my best male friend. we split a cupcake and traded sexual seduction stories. i was elated and exhausted. i saw my therapist the next day. i was still so happy, kopen goedkope retin a. she said i was on a dopamine high. i asked her when the crash would be, but she just shrugged, buy retin a c.o.d.. well, Cheap generic retin a, thanks for nothing. not to worry, i would soon find out on my own.
as the days went by i realized i was more sensitive than i thought, billiga retin a apotek.
my emotional calender read like this:
WEDNESDAY- (day of dude's departure) i was elated, beaming, and exhausted. Buy retin a c.o.d., THURSDAY- i was satisfied and happy.
FRIDAY- i was bummed, borderline needy/obsessing. my eyes glued to my blackberry, and shocked that he wasn't feeling the same way. (dopamine crash. hollah!) at one point i even asked a whole foods employee in the wine section for help. he asked if i preferred red or white, but instead of a wine quesh, i asked him to decode the cryptic, nothing texts facebook guy had sent me, buy retin a c.o.d.. what. there's no shame in my game. oh wait, i wrote that wrong; there was a lot of shame in my game that week. i had no game. it was not Buy retin a c.o.d., sexy. the wine dude agreed.
SATURDAY- i was over it. (but still telling anyone who would listen about my fling and post fling FEELINGS. gross - insert punch to my face here. )
SUNDAY- 98% of me was back on track, happy, and busy with other stuff, buy retin a c.o.d.. phew. 1% of me (my ego) was hoping he was thinking about me. and the other 1% was disappointed in myself for caring. i was better than that. Buy retin a c.o.d., but this was deeper than logic, this was biology. this was what sex does/can do to a woman. shit.
i used to love drama and to feel stuff just for the sake of feeling. but this was too much. i was a mini emotional roller coaster. it was keeping me out of the present moment and unfocused. is this why boxers don't have sexxx before a fight.
(to be continued).
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I missed these types of rants! I hate the 1% “hoping he’s thinking of me” feeling it happens way too often. I think we get that feeling because we secretly think the whole relationship with that person will be like that one night where everything worked so perfectly but it usually doesn’t work out that way. Still I always want the option to see if it could turn into a lifetime of playful, loving, and exciting sex. effff
I really needed to read this. I have been surrounded with these feelings for someone that I haven’t even slept with, just someone I fooled around with and have been flirting with ever since. It’s a long distance thing, but I find myself concerned with someone that I don’t even see regularly. I haven’t slept with him, i want to, but I’m stressed just thinking about it.
I have been trying to understand the “hoping he’s thinking of me thing” because it makes me ill. Do I hang onto a way someone once made me feel because I can’t do that for myself?
I have so much love in my life, but I always let myself obsess over that one person. It triggers this anxious feeling, and I all of a sudden I give someone else more credit than they ever deserve. I find myself talking about it with other people to get a grip on the situation, and searching for some sort of mantra I can tell myself to move on.. I revisit details (like asking the wine guy) searching for some hidden meaning, while causing myself more frustration. It’s so hard to turn away from situations that bring that new exciting sexy feeling, but shouldn’t the fact that I stress about it be the #1 reason I should move myself along..? Am I that lonely that I obsess over this situation because there is no one else I am that attracted too right now? this makes me feel even worse.. I’m single because I want to be, but does this situation highlight an unbalance within myself?
The second part of all of this is the fretting about fretting part. I spend just as much time being upset that I’m upset.. which I think only prolongs what I’m going through.
Frustrating stuff. But i’m working on it (I feel like I spent my whole weekend fretting). I’m happy being single, I’m happy with my life, just working now on figuring out my emotional sinkholes and not revisiting the stress.
Thanks for your follow up on this story.
I missed these types of rants too! Such a good read, reminds why I love your blog so much Alexi! xx
Fuck him. And then go fuck someone else.
“this was what sex does/can do to a woman.”
does it to men too, we just don’t show it as much
Yo ladies. Maybe the dude will show more interest after he tags it if you don’t over analyze and PARTICULARLY if you don’t write about it.
Ah-mazing entry. You pretty much described my post-coital state after every fling I’ve ever had. My freak-outs have lasted anywhere from 3 days to 6 months of pure, blinding, emotionally-needy torture, at the end of which I get disowned by my fed-up dating confidantes.
Although I’m a Manizer to the core, I finally stopped having sex without strings. I have too much going on to be riding a dopamine tilt-o-while in exchange for only several hours of mind-blowing gratification.
Theory: The best way to play the field as a girl is to go on lots of dates with cute guys, let them give you massages and fix things for you (preferably while sporting a mankini) and make them work for it so you can keep emotional sanity.
Although I suspect this story has a happy ending in which case congrats for pulling off what I haven’t been able to.
Go Alexi! I totally hear your emotional state, I was like that only last week over a dude. It totally sucks!
Oh I’m not an alien. Thank god others feel the same way.
I’d been flirting with this guy for like six months and we kept on running into each other all the time. after I broke up with my boyfriend I decided to use this guy as a rebound kinda thing. I felt totally on top of the situation. so one night we ran into each other in a bar and straight forward he asked me if i wanted to go back to his house… It was fuuuuun and i felt great about it for like a week untill the crash hit me. it totally sucks. No I’ve just put him in the douche file and like literally started to second guess my motives, when it comes to sex.
everyone should have at least one guy who with she shares this kind of chemistry; I know I do. If I was you, I wouldn’t let him get away.
I needed to read something like this today! Can’t wait for the next one. Thank you!
This is me. Thanks for being so daring to share tiny bits of feelings which most of us keep inside.
Love your blog.
i was in the same exact situation with this one dude a year ago. and i recently told my friends (who are best friends of that dude)to read this blog and that this blog sums up how girls feel generally.
best entry so far.
p.s. boyslife hasnt been updating lately. kinda sad about that….
I loved the dopamine level per day bit. And picturing you asking the Whole Foods employee what his thoughts were. I’m reading “How We Decide” right now and there’s a whole description of dopamine and how important and sometimes merciless it is on us.
haha, i love the entry for friday, alexi, you really go for it, MORE PEOPLE NEED TO HAVE AN ATTITUDE LIKE YOURS IN LIFE
this was great!!
I think I just read my weekend..
Alexi, do you send him the entry before you post it, or is he reading this for the first time just like us?! This is such an interesting situation… love it!!
i really needed this right now. DEFINITELY not enjoying the rollercoaster ride. i can’t wait for the next entry!!
went through the exact same thing recently, but couldn’t seem to verbalise it. seriously, your story was like a play by play.
liked the guy enough to sleep with him but not bothered otherwise. only problem is he is friends with friends…which makes it a bit awkward. i don’t want to be friends with him but don’t want to seem like a bitch if i don’t speak to him. i realise i am seriously over-thinking!
Alexi. I love you. Oh wait, my name’s not Alexi. Seriously though, thanks. I think we all feel this way. Women, I mean. Dudes should know. And now they do. Good.
Oh my god. I know exactly where you are coming from with this – except my ‘fling’ i’ve been obsessing over for a year?
I’m not bothered much about anyone else, i’ve had flings, realised i’m probably better single anyway since I can’t emotionally commit to someone.
But this guy comes in and out of my life when he pleases, and I LET him. If it was anyone else I’d tell them where to shove it.. it’s not just because of how he is in the bedroom, it’s the fact our personalities seem to fit like a jigsaw. Yet he leaves it weeks, sometimes up to a month, to contact me again? I’d love to know what i’m doing wrong..
I’m so jealous!…of that guy! I wish I could have amazing sex just like that with YOU! And I would call you after! But I would most likely wanna date you after too! haha