Wednesday, June 10, 2009

if all else fails:

you know those parts of town you pass through on the way to somewhere else? when you look out the window and say 'Jesus Christ! who lives here'? well, maybe one day, YOU will. 

if all else fails and your life starts to derail; your dreams are shattered; love life is on the rocks- you can ALWAYS pack up and run away to some tucked away no mans land like reseda or something! 

get a job at Starbucks (they have a health plan!) and start fucking all the dude employees you work with! start having an affair with the 18 year old boy who lives in the apartment next door and teach him what it means to be a man who can provide a woman with something that will ACTUALLY makes her HAPPY: A BACK RUN AND AN ORGASM! i DON'T recommend doing this 'till you're like 40 or something. but, it's important to be aware of ALL your life's options. 

when you get fired from Starbucks and are running from the cops because the neighbor boy, you've now been informed you were molesting, is ACTUALLY 16- you can buy a bus ticket to Lancaster or watsonville or something. start selling fruit on a corner and only wear light denim, jean short, cut offs. on the weekends, swim in a lake, drink beer or mike's hard lemonade and fuck the complete ANTITHESIS of your former 16 year old lover: Enrique, the Latino heart throb of the area, who promises to teach you Spanish while he makes love to you.... but never gets past "you're pussy is so wet". oh well. 

I won't resort to any of this unless I end up miserable and in turmoil cuz my life is in ruins. But until then, I'm good. No need to go there. Just a passing thought that runs through my mind whenever I end up in the valley- usually only when I'm SUPER DEEP in the valley, on ventura blvd in like woodland hills or something. xoxo

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I get it, i have my own if all else fails plan.

Anonymous said...

If all else fails... just write about something uninteresting and hope people don't notice?

Esmé Squalor said...

Shit, I am at my "if all else fails plan"' which is basically to personify a heartless person as much as possible to keep my heart whole. Hmm. There is something very wrong and falsly logical about that concept, isn't there.

Anonymous said...

what happened to all the videos you used to take!

Anonymous said...

they are more exciting.

Anonymous said...

if all else fails...obsess about your weight and keep desperately striving for relevancy

Courtney and Basil said...

hahaa.... what wrong with ventura blvd???? lol

THE DAY AFTER YOU DIE said...

What's wrong with fucking Enrique...he's inside me right now.

Molly Lambert said...

girl if I were gonna run away it would not be to the deep SFV. maybe the deep south.

Steve said...

yayyy

annaaaaaaa said...

if all else fails I'm running away to start a new life on some tropical island!!! AIM HIGH girl xoxo

Anonymous said...

I’d like to think this is what you are doing right now, at age almost 43. Pluto will be in aquarius soon. This is your time.

Anonymous said...

Tyler the creator

Anonymous said...

:D