if all else fails:

you know those parts of town you pass through on the way to somewhere else? when you look out the window and say 'Jesus Christ! who lives here'? well, maybe one day, YOU will. 

if all else fails and your life starts to derail; your dreams are shattered; love life is on the rocks- you can ALWAYS pack up and run away to some tucked away no mans land like reseda or something! 

get a job at Starbucks (they have a health plan!) and start fucking all the dude employees you work with! start having an affair with the 18 year old boy who lives in the apartment next door and teach him what it means to be a man who can provide a woman with something that will ACTUALLY makes her HAPPY: A BACK RUN AND AN ORGASM! i DON'T recommend doing this 'till you're like 40 or something. but, it's important to be aware of ALL your life's options. 

when you get fired from Starbucks and are running from the cops because the neighbor boy, you've now been informed you were molesting, is ACTUALLY 16- you can buy a bus ticket to Lancaster or watsonville or something. start selling fruit on a corner and only wear light denim, jean short, cut offs. on the weekends, swim in a lake, drink beer or mike's hard lemonade and fuck the complete ANTITHESIS of your former 16 year old lover: Enrique, the Latino heart throb of the area, who promises to teach you Spanish while he makes love to you.... but never gets past "you're pussy is so wet". oh well. 

I won't resort to any of this unless I end up miserable and in turmoil cuz my life is in ruins. But until then, I'm good. No need to go there. Just a passing thought that runs through my mind whenever I end up in the valley- usually only when I'm SUPER DEEP in the valley, on ventura blvd in like woodland hills or something. xoxo

in bed with jack and pj:

Sometimes you just have to storm into a dudes house, beg him and his actor friend to take their shirts off, and ask them questions till they give you a goddamn answer. so that's what i did. i was bored and lonely. I'd just had a full and productive day getting my hair cut & colored, and my nails done. i didn't even have to wake up early the next day, so i could totally stay up late! but do what, where, and with who? i had no one to annoy! i needed brains to play with! dolls made out of people!

Meanwhile, jack and pj were cozy at home (not in a gay way) living their lives, playing video games, texting, watching the boob tube, one up'ing each other with witty quips and fast paced banter... UNTIL I ARRIVED, TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP! so tonight, this is what i learned via pillow talk. we didn't have sex, but i made sure there was a pillow near by each of the boys -at all times- to make them feel safe and have something to squeeze in case my questions got too scary. let's learn about the inner workings of two successful, cool, heterosexual, hip, young, go-getting dudes!