if only:

if only someone could promise us that all our craziest dreams and desires would come true; that everything would work out in the end.... and that we could rest assured that it will all be OK. but they can't. who knows what will happen between now and the time you die? that's the thing that some people actually LIKE about life. it's a constant surprise. a gamble. but that's also what others can HATE about it! 

it's why some people take their own lives. they reach their breaking point. they hit their limit of 'not knowing' and they give up. they feel hopeless; think life is too hard to go on living because they're unhappy, unfulfilled, and can't continue living with the possibility that they may NEVER be happy- that their dreams may NEVER come true. and in the blink of an eye, they are gone forever. having died at their own hand. there is NO need for this to happen. but it does and it's tragic. so, it's important to look at the thought process that could cause this dark hole of hopelessness, and avoid it at all costs. 

we live in a world where phrases like 'you never know', 'just when i least expected...' , and 'who knows?' run wild. and they're true! you never know what's coming for you around the corner... good OR bad. just as quickly as you could contract herpes, you could win the lotto. and all you can do in the interim is live your life, be nice to your friends & family, try not to be such an asshole, maybe make people laugh if you don't mind, have a laugh yourself, and work towards making your dream become realized. letting it be bigger than just a thought inside your head. 

but before you can do this, you have to KNOW what it is you WANT. do you know? when you figure it out through thinking/writing in an unlined journal... brainstorming like a kuh-razy person, that's ONLY the beginning. every day, do at least ONE thing towards achieving your dream/goal. even if it's as simple as 'i wanna be a chef' and going to the supermarket to grocery shop or signing up for a cooking class (and hopefully actually going). 

all of this will help towards moving your life in an inspired, focused direction. giving you things to daydream about and aspire to having/being! but if you feel trapped in a moody, super sad hole of despair...... do ANYTHING you can to perk yourself up! NO, NOT drugs- smoking- or binge eating (and by binge eating, i mean BINGE EATING: like eating an entire pizza in one sitting by yourself. or emptying the contents of your entire fridge into your stomach)!

INSTEAD, how about seeing a movie by yourself; getting a small popcorn and peanut m&m's or red vines? have a vanilla soy OR nonfat milk latte (your call)! i mean, if you were ALREADY planning on killing yourself ANYWAY, why would you feel guilty about having a treat?! it's like looking at life from a whole new perspective! try reading the tabloids for free at the supermarket, going on a walk.... anything! even a bubble bath and calling a friend/seeking help from a profesh could change everything. you can even e-mail me. you see, getting so emotionally low can actually give you a whole new lease on life! if nothing matters, than you can be brave, and fearless, and choose to LIVE and not let others affect you! 

so, just cheer up. after all, the beautiful thing about life is, even if you're not feeling your best right now....there just might be a happy surprise lurking just around the bend. i love you! xoxo