those were the days (part 2):

I called the boy I had come to New York for. I barely new him. We had had one epic make out at sway on a Sunday night, before I picked up and left for Japan. He was in an off and on relationship. Mostly ‘on’, but he downplayed this. The night we first met-he was single. I’m not, and will never be, ‘the other woman'! it’s never been a goal of mine. Anywayzies. They weren’t together anymore, but he wasn’t invested emotionally in me, as much as I was with him. Looking back, I think I was like a foot taller than him. Was I oblivious? He was so cute! I guess I didn’t realize how much my head was tilted when talking to/looking at him. He was FUNNY! That’s what I remember. But the humor ceased when I flew back to see him! And it got REALLY UNFUNNY when I needed a place to stay.

The minute I arrived at his place, I GOT MY FUCKING PERIOD. I wasn’t as vocal as I am now, so instead of telling him I got my period (which I don’t know if I would do even NOW), I got weird and squirmy and awkward. At least NOW, I would have made up an excuse to run downstairs to a bodega, get tampons and baby wipes, buy a latte at a café, use their restroom, and run back up to him like everything was lovely. Maybe even bringing him a latte too, to explain why I took so long! But if I had been THAT savvy- I never would have booked such a shithole hotel in the first place. Instead, we made out in his bed. I prayed I wouldn’t bleed on his sheets. I DIDN’T, FYI. I was wearing the dumbest outfit. And some weird 'sex and the city' inspired jewelry. I’m so embarrassed. Not really, but I felt I had to say that.

We got lunch and I ran into an ex I used to get drunk with all the time. It ended with me having very unsexy blackout sex with him. Fantastic. Just the person I wanted to see. Whatevs. That’s how life can be. It was fine. we said our hellos, how are you’s- and I got back to the new boy.

I wanted to recapture the New York AND the night I spent with this guy BEFORE TOKYO HAPPENED. But I didn’t like my body anymore and I felt really needy and aimless. I didn’t feel loved and safe. And it wasn’t this dudes job to provide me with any of this. He was basically a stranger. the whole trip was putting way too much pressure on the both of us.

So what did we do to make it better? WE SMOKED POT! Bad move on my part! I’m already a lunatic, but when I have even a puff of the doobage, I get super bummed and ultra paranoid. Not sexy. Not cool. And a deal breaker if there ever was one. It got weird REAL FAST. Every look and move he made, I thought was about me. In a negative way! we passed out at his house....and I left in the morning, without saying goodbye. (to be continued)