i only wanna be ANNIK:

BEING ANNIK: i hope you've seen the movie "control" about joy division. duh! it was epic! annik is the sexy girl, the mysterious fox that the guy from joy division falls in love with and ultimately wants to be with. actually, who knows who or what he really wanted. he was sad, confused, riddled with guilt/uncertainty. all i know is: Annik was WAY more enticing to me than his wife's character (played by samantha morton). annik was sexy, well dressed, exotic, wasn't heavy with a mom vibe which gives most guys the blahs! she got "it". whatever 'it' may be. I'M straight and I wanted to fuck her! 

because of this, i often find myself telling boys i have a crush on or i just think it to myself while i stare at whatever boy is in front of me- just silently in my head....that i NEVER wanna be Samantha Morton's character from control. i only ever wanna be annik! but how is this possible? women are complex, multi faceted creatures. we can do so much, we're practically men now. so how is it possible to remain as sexy as annik ALL THE TIME? how can we keep the annik essence AND tend to the normal everyday stuff- without being labeled boring, angry, aggro, ball busters???

I'M NOT SAYING TO SEXUALIZE EVERYTHING or ASPIRE TO LATCH ON TO A MANS COATTAILS....i'm saying we have to DO and BE a lot as women! duh! that's already the goal. but seeing h.j.n.t.i.t.y (he's just not that into you), really made me think! i'm kinda embarrassed about this , but not enough NOT to tell you! i'm not kidding! i don't ever wanna be jennifer connely's character! this post is MEANT to be a thought provoking uplifter, but i may be too confused to write it.

i want to grow into a woman like angelica Huston, parker posey,Charlotte rampling, etc. you know? SEXY, TALENTED, ACCOMPLISHED, WELL SEASONED, EXPERIENCED, ADULT WOMEN. but there are SOOO many opportunities to get lazy and fail at this. 

we make choices as PEOPLE, not just as WOMEN. our profession, who we surround ourselves with, the thoughts we have, who we know & let get close to us, how we balance & allot our time, the car we drive, the supermarket we shop in, the clothes we wear, the things we say, the part of town we live in. all of this is a choice. it's what defines us, divides us and categorizes us into groups or scenes. and the type of woman you want to be is a CHOICE. 

YES,I KOOOOOW: ultimately it doesn't matter what people think of you, as long as you like who you are. BUT giving up on how you present yourself and chalking it up to 'who gives a fuck' is kind of a cop out too. you could miss out on some exciting experiences and opportunities: in life, with men or women, or just how you see yourself. NOT making an effort in how you put yourself together isn't the best choice either. 

personally, i LOVE movies like the old timey james bond films, where women were spies and seductresses. that looks AWESOME. espionage, fancy dresses. meanwhile, i can barely get my flip flops on and run out the door to nature mart on hillhurst. i love flip flops and not wearing makeup...but i could also take myself to the max and use everything i've got. 

i'm NOT gonna get a lobotomy and a boob job and never give myself a chance to speak cuz my mouth's always full of some dude's dick i'm blowing! NO! that's not what i'm suggesting at ALL! i'm suggesting going full throttle girly styles and taking over the world!!! (to be continued)