the blind leading the blind PART 9:

1. live every day eating like you're about to be photographed naked by Ryan McGinley the next day.

2. don't be an idiot. save your money!!! open a savings account! put half of what you make in your checking and the other half in your savings. you'll thank me later! think ahead! the younger you are, the more thankful you'll be later!

3. it's bad manners to drink out of a glass/cup/mug with a spoon in it.

4. wood does not absorb electricity. Unless we're talking about a dudes wooden dick and the electricity of a woman's vagina. in this case, wood will totally absorb electricity!

5. metal absorbs heat. If you leave your spoon in your tea/coffee/soup, it'll get cooler.

6. Stop smoking! It'll make you REAL UGLY, REAL FAST. I'd almost rather you develop a sex addiction instead (with condoms of course). It would be less harmful to your health. I don't care if it's your nervous outlet, if you're addicted! Go to cvs, Duane Reade, target, your local pharmacy and get the patch! Then go to whole foods and buy two packs of flavored tooth picks. One cinnamon and one tea tree. Good luck. Haggy, wrinkled, smokers won't be allowed to read this blog any more. So get it the fuck together! there's no excuse to smoke anymore!

7. i know i probably shouldn't say this but i feel compelled to; you should start loving your body if you don't already. even if it's all gross and you're out of shape. EVEN if you're a binge eating maniac with so many flaps of fat you can't properly clean all the crevices and as a result you tend to smell sour and can't figure out why. i say you should like your body because it's the only body you're ever gonna have and it's yours! my mom used to tell me 'how's your body ever gonna change for you if you keep telling it that you hate it?' so be nice to your body. that includes taking care of it with what you put inside it, (food, liquid and boys privates includes, how you wash it, how you move it, etc.

8. you're ONLY allowed to have popcorn and peanut m&ms at the cinema if you're IN the movie that you're seeing. no exceptions. if you end up getting cut out of the film and you've already finished the treats and feel SUPER EXTRA guilty cuz your cause for celebration is now non existent- you better walk that shizz off fatty!

9. a SECOND on the lips, a LIFETIME on the hips. 

10. don't go in the ocean when you have your period. a shark will totally eat you. i live by this rule. be careful this summer. 

if you're fat you shouldn't read this, but maybe you should:

once upon a time, Elizabeth Hurley was condemned for saying (in an interview)something along the lines of "if I was as fat as Marilyn Monroe, I would have killed myself too." Now, that WASN'T the BEST way to represent herself in a quote. i even though she was a jerk for that, but still watched the Austen Powers movies cuz i love the sixties, and they're too good! personally, I think Marilyn Monroe is/was gorgeous and the standards in HER day were different than they are today.although, I'm sure she was just as frantic about her weight as the girlies are today. 

but today, as i was trying to walk down the stairs to take the subway, I was fixated on the fat ass of a woman in front of me, blocking my path. Her and a dude were moving at maximum slowness, pushing their baby in a carriage. He had his arm around her (not tiny) waist and she leaned into him as though she felt sexy and maybe even, dare i say, comfortable in her skin!

I put myself in her situation, remembered the Hurley quote and thought- 'you know what? I probably WOULD contemplate suicide if I was as big as THAT woman!(she was DOUBLE the size of Marilyn, fyi- which makes me way less cruel than liz hurley) And I'm sure as hell i wouldn't have been able to feel sexy- alone OR in front of a dude who loved me. I wouldn't even be able to FAKE being comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't be able to trust his love for me!' how sick is that? but it's true. oh my god, years later and now i'm taking liz hurley's side? or at least, giving her point of view a chance. 

Would I get the lap band? Probably. but would I ever even LET myself get to that level of fatness? Probably not. Now, I KNOW fatness CAN be hereditary, but no one in my family is fat. so the blame would be all my own. there's no pointing fingers if I get to be the mayor of fatsville usa. I'm not 'on the verge of death' waify or anything-MAN, I WISH!- but if i got to THAT point of fatdom with the family genes that I have- it would be all my fault! 

I would either have to kill myself, get lypo, the lap band, go to jenny craig/weight watchers, and get a mother fucking trainer/nutrition guru. I ALREADY don't eat bread, rice, pasta, donuts, soda, cake or candy. Every once in a while I'll have a vegan dessert or a blow pop at a rave. 

so, when I see a fatty at cbtl getting a mocha frap with extra whip (and one for their overweight kid too) I think: you unhealthy monster(s)! you're doing this to yourself. xo

the boys of american apparel:

this boy is adorable! i don't know if it's cuz he's young, has super long hair or what?! it could be a million different things combined! i've seen him at the store he works at for a while and he's always a sweetheart, in a good mood, free of a bad attitude. he got a bit camera shy, which is even cuter. looking back, i feel like a monster with my questions...but he said he'd be interviewed! so this is more an example of yet another cute boy that exists in the world and more specifically...one that works on melrose. at least on this site, you not only get to LOOK at a cute boy, you get to HEAR him speak and get a tiny sense of his personality too. in this case, i think he's just trying to get away from me/regretting his decision to let me interview him...but a cute boy talking nonetheless!