the blind leading the blind PART 9:

1. live every day eating like you're about to be photographed naked by Ryan McGinley the next day.

2. don't be an idiot. save your money!!! open a savings account! put half of what you make in your checking and the other half in your savings. you'll thank me later! think ahead! the younger you are, the more thankful you'll be later!

3. it's bad manners to drink out of a glass/cup/mug with a spoon in it.

4. wood does not absorb electricity. Unless we're talking about a dudes wooden dick and the electricity of a woman's vagina. in this case, wood will totally absorb electricity!

5. metal absorbs heat. If you leave your spoon in your tea/coffee/soup, it'll get cooler.

6. Stop smoking! It'll make you REAL UGLY, REAL FAST. I'd almost rather you develop a sex addiction instead (with condoms of course). It would be less harmful to your health. I don't care if it's your nervous outlet, if you're addicted! Go to cvs, Duane Reade, target, your local pharmacy and get the patch! Then go to whole foods and buy two packs of flavored tooth picks. One cinnamon and one tea tree. Good luck. Haggy, wrinkled, smokers won't be allowed to read this blog any more. So get it the fuck together! there's no excuse to smoke anymore!

7. i know i probably shouldn't say this but i feel compelled to; you should start loving your body if you don't already. even if it's all gross and you're out of shape. EVEN if you're a binge eating maniac with so many flaps of fat you can't properly clean all the crevices and as a result you tend to smell sour and can't figure out why. i say you should like your body because it's the only body you're ever gonna have and it's yours! my mom used to tell me 'how's your body ever gonna change for you if you keep telling it that you hate it?' so be nice to your body. that includes taking care of it with what you put inside it, (food, liquid and boys privates includes, how you wash it, how you move it, etc.

8. you're ONLY allowed to have popcorn and peanut m&ms at the cinema if you're IN the movie that you're seeing. no exceptions. if you end up getting cut out of the film and you've already finished the treats and feel SUPER EXTRA guilty cuz your cause for celebration is now non existent- you better walk that shizz off fatty!

9. a SECOND on the lips, a LIFETIME on the hips. 

10. don't go in the ocean when you have your period. a shark will totally eat you. i live by this rule. be careful this summer. 

DUDE OF THE DECADE!!!

This is Nigel Godrich. Superstar producer extraordinaire! The man, the myth, the legend. if you don't know who he is, i feel really bad and embarrassed for you. I've given you the opportunity to click on a link and educate yourself....you monster! read it, if you even NEED to, then come back! Nigel is a hot babe and women love him! can you blame them? hello?! he's a foxy, talented, super successful, sexy dude who has great style and has often times been referred to as a quick witted charmer! how could he not be boycrazy's top choice for "dude of the decade"?! i asked Nigel a few hard hitting boycrazy questions, and he was kind enough to answer them because a.) he's awesome b.) i totally cornered him and 3.) we're friends and guilt goes a long way when you know how to work it!  so thanks NIGE! you're amazing! happy new year! xo

HANGIN' WITH NIGE':

1. what is your favorite thing about women/something that women do?
Pretending not to care and secretly trying really hard to please you..

2. what is your least favorite thing about woman/something that women do?
Taking forever to get ready. Pretending they don't go to the lavatory. Sleeping with idiots.

3. do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
My mother is brunette, Agnes from Abba is blonde.. I swing between the 2.

4. is there a type of underwear you prefer on a ladies bum?
Simple classic white cotton. No bright colors.. No thongs please..
5. would you ever get in a fist fight to protect a woman you were in love with?
Absolutely and without question.
6. do you ever feel too attractive?
Anybody who answers yes to that question obviously needs help. So... no.
7. have you ever gotten a manicure and/or pedicure?
Yes - only once during a particularly metro phase as a birthday present from my gay cousin. Very strange experience. Haven't done it again.
8. what would be the best prezzy a woman could get you on your
birthday or Christmas?
Slot car racing set with special treats for the best driver..!!
9. any advice on what a girl shouldn't do when trying to make a guy
fall in love with her?
Don't play games.. if you're serious. Don't promise things you can't deliver.
10. any advice on what a girl SHOULD do to make a boy fall in love with her?
Be honest.. be yourself. Wear white cotton panties.
11. what's the worst thing, fashion wise, a girl can do?
Wear clothes that prohibit movement to the point of ridicule.. ie. shoes that make you walk like a monkey..
12. is it hard to be so stylish?
I think I'm surrounded by more stylish people than myself.. I try my best.
13. what's your favorite store?
A.P.C., Margiela, Paul Smith..
14. do you think alexi wasser is a great person?
I love Alexi Celine Wasser.. who wouldn't?
15. weirdest place a woman has ever hit on you?
In line at the post office..
16. in your opinion, what city has the sexiest women?
Cardiff.. no wait.. LA probably. They're all so well turned out. Parisians are beautiful as well, but too crazy. Stay clear.
17. how could a woman hit on you in public, without coming across as
an overbearing/creepy stalker.
By being nice. Not talking in a creepy/stalker voice. Try asking directions..
18. what's your favorite TV show? (feel free to plug your new show on IFC)
I hardly EVER watch Tv these days..
19. do you think I'm beautiful? "no", would be the wrong answer.
I think we're all beautiful in our own way. Even the ugly amongst us. I know lame answer sorry.
20. do you think public displays of affection are cool or embarrassing?
Depends on their nature - essentially they're cool.. but there's a line which can be crossed. No snogging in company.

shopping didn't make it better:

I'm a little glum. Lately I've been keeping away from even looking in forever 21. And today, when I decide to venture in....the inventory is seriously disappointing. I used to love going inside, getting lost for hours, running into stylish girlfriends of mine and making the covert hand to the lips gesture signifying "you never saw me here." But not today my sisters, not today. And what's worse is that it looked as though the men's selection was way hipper! What the fuck is that shiz all about? Oh well, at least we'll have cuter clothes to borrow from the boys we're making out with. (even though TECHNICALLY the dudes we sleep with should not even know what forever 21 is, and should only sport apc, American apparel, and MAYBE a touch of opening ceremony. but i said 'making out with', not 'fucking'! so that leaves the spectrum wide open!) oh xx1! although it wasn't your day....I haven't given up on you yet! Or even you, heritage 1981! I'll be back, I just hope you are too! WHOOPSIES UPDATE: I blogged too soon! I ended up finding an awesome pine green and black plaid flannel and a super cute spaghetti strapped billowy tank top. keep spending money at xxi! it's all good!

Hope your Christmas was awesome! did you watch 'a Christmas story' or 'home alone 2: lost in new york'? that's good. hope you didn't eat too much, you'll only regret it. i feel like I'm always telling you that. but you can handle it! i know you can! you sexy Christmas goddess you! well, in case you missed the hills last Monday.....allow me to show you what you missed. i know I'm supposed to be a hills hater, and my target audience would feel the same way, but if the hills is your guilty pleasure, like it is mine, this is the most epic hills yet! emotions will really start to flow and tension will escalate when Lauren and Heidi are at the same event. keep in mind, they used to be BEST friends, and now they never talk! all because of Spencer. i was in tears. check it out! xo H.A.G.S.

The Hills - MTV Shows

there's no shame in my game:

Boycrazy in new york city!
PS: is anyone else as excited as i am about the new "Hills" spin off called "the city"? don't lie!
APC: the whole foods of the clothing stores- for scoping out dudes. Artfags galore! i love it! pea coats, green military jackets with fur trimmed hoods. And the quirkier you look, and the more androgynous you appear-the better! Bizarre faces rule in this 'antithesis of paris hilton' establishment! which is rad for me because I feel somewhat offbeat and quirky looking. It's super expensive, so meander and pout, but try not to buy anything! Why is it soo fucking expensive? i don't know. it just is. If you wanna recreate apc looks for cheaper; shop at club monaco/uniqlo/j crew/4 ever 21/hm/even target. i just hope you pick out the right pieces. I'm sure you'll be fine. watch out for cheap looking plastic buttons and bad plastic-y looking fake leather. too much sheen can be a problem. now I'm worried. I'm sure you'll be fine.
what's with girls who lie about where they got an article of clothing? 

ME:"Where'd you get your sweater? I absolutely love it!"
HER:"Um" clearly about to lie "it's vintage." or "I can't remember, I bought it ages ago." Or "it used to be my moms, from when she was my age!" 

Bullshit! you, just don't want me to rush out and buy it too! And you know what I have to say to that? Bravo! I have to shop harder! I love you.
when shopping, don't buy right away if it's crazy expensive or the return policy is bogus. Walk away, have a think, and if you can't get the said item out of your head, buy it! This theory does not apply to pizza or desserts though! Stay away from those! Oh yeah, and don't smoke either. Even if it aids you in being super skinny! I don't care. It'll wreck your face! Do you wanna look busted at 27? Fuck no! Moisturize moisturize moisturize! Quit the cigs and become a Pilate's master/macrobiotic/ do-gooder instead! Whatever makes you look fierce and other girls jealous of you. This blog is meant to be an inspiring slap in the face!!! A virtual pep talk! Why wait until new years for resolutions? Look at yourself in the mirror now, and get it the fuck together bitches!!!
Boycrazing spots nyc: whole foods on Houston- the second floor is like a heightened version of a high school cafeteria scene in a john Hughes film. Balthazar, outside bench-Buy a coffee from the take out section, sit and linger on the bench outside, check out the dudes that walk by!
Christmas is coming! I'm so excited! there will be an entire post dedicated to mistletoe and instigating a makeout without appearing like the desperate slut you may or may not REALLY be! just you wait! also, if a boy makes you a mix cd-it either means he REALLY likes you OR, he had 6 minutes to burn and wants to have sex with you! i hope it's the first one, for your sake.