Wednesday, April 22, 2009

it's important you like his friends:

So, you managed to fall in love! that's AWESOME! CONGRATULATIONS! you're euphoric. the sex is beautiful. you make extreme eye contact when he's deep inside you. he inspires you to be brave and take over the world. you can look at eachother and know exactly what the other is thinking, without saying a word. you laugh SO HARD at the exact same things, it's like you're little kids again! tickle fights ensue and you want to hug him/SQUEEZE him sooo tight and never let go, cuz you can't believe you've found the LOVE of your life..........AND THEN YOU MEET HIS ASSHOLE FRIENDS! epic love story RUINED!

after i broke up with my ex, every once in a while i thought about getting back together with him. maybe
I'd just suck it up and get married and pretend nothing bad every happened between us. i thought, 'I'll just accept his flaws, hope he accepts mine, and this will be our life.' but SOMETHING always popped up. something that love and growing up and therapy could never change: I HATE HIS BROTHER. 

my ex and his brother are in a band together. they have a bizarre love hate relationship. a 'bromance' if you will. but one that is SUPER dysfunctional. NOTHING like Brody and Freddy's relationship on the hills! THOSE guys are TOTALLY functional. this is more along the lines of Brody and Spencer's relationship; but WAY darker and angry/broody styles).

from the first time i met my
ex's brother (i remember it as if it was yesterday) it was at the beauty bar on Cahuenga. it was loud. i REALLY wanted him to like me and i immediately put my foot in my mouth; saying something about his parents not being together and my parents not being together. i guess i was trying to show that i could totally relate to his childhood or whatever? who knows? i blew it. but i didn't think THAT was gonna be my only shot!

he got pulled into another conversation and i never got to explain what i meant/what i was TRYING to say: that i was a good person who had a huge crush on his brother. 

i wonder if the mean bro even remembers ANY of this. but from then on, it was a downward spiral. see how wanting people to like you only bites you in the ass and makes you look lame?! I'm exhibit A! 

as my relationship progressed (it lasted 5 years), i was always a bit nervous around mean bro. mean
bro's silent gaze/aloof nature made me feel super duper uncomfortable. and because of the fact that boyfriend and mean bro were in a band together, it was nearly impossible to escape being near him. SHIT! at shows, on the tour bus, planes, traveling, parties. bf, mean bro, and me. i would even hang out with MB's girlfriend every now and then. (because we were the girlfriend, we got lumped together when the band had band stuff to attend to. it's in the how to be a band dude's girlfriend rulebook.)she's lovely. even now i have a place for her in my heart. i ALSO got along with their mom and other brothers too! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY WAS THIS SO HARD? 

the MAIN problem was the relationship between my boyfriend and his brother. THEY were caustic. They were opposites who worked together. my bf liked to argue and be a brat with his self righteousness that buried itself deep down into peoples (and more importantly- his brothers) skin. i became an extension of my bf to the mean bro. i was never looked at or spoken to as if i were my own person. 

as the years went by, mean bro's drug addiction made him even more unlikable, and removed any possibility of us making peace. why did i need his validation so badly? why do i still think about him? because i don't like unresolved issues in my life! I'm brazen and would rather get everything on the table and work it out. mean bro HATED confrontation! 

they were Australian. i always felt his hatred of American culture and I was the ultimate American! a loud, opinionated, obnoxious woman. what a nightmare for him. I say things like, "oh my god! NO WAY! totally!" (my staple phrases at any given moment.) but when i said these things around him (or even laugh to hard) I'd echo in my ears because I'd catch him imitating me to others, ignore me, and be nicer than i EVER saw him be- to complete strangers, but never to ME.

recently, long since I'd broken up with my ex, mean bro's girlfriend e-mailed me. she wrote to check in on me, to apologize for MB'S behavior towards me and to try to explain it. i told you she was a sweetheart! but i still want an apology from him. or at least some resolution. from mean bro directly! but that may never happen. and it shouldn't matter to me if it does or doesn't. he has no power over me. that labyrinth saying works in ANY situation!
that time in my life is over now. i never have to see my ex OR his meanie pants brother if i don't want to. however, what i DO take away from this whole scenario is how THANKFUL i am when i DO meet a guy who fits ALL the epic criteria i mentioned in the first paragraph AND i ACTUALLY LOVE ALL the people (friends AND family) in his life. it's a big fucking deal,cuz that toxic bullshit can MAKE or BREAK your relationship! xo


Anonymous said...

hahaha, so well written -- i loved reading this! mean bro sounds mean. so frustrating when people you actually try to like and try to be freindly to just diss you. without a reason! did he give you a reason? i hate that, as you sais, when unresolved. meeeean bro!

Erin said...

great post! this situation is so difficult because you can't demand (or even politely ask) that he spend less time with his friends just because they make you feel uncomfortable. you just have to suck it up and try not to cry or spit in the mean friend's face.

one thing you didn't touch on are bitchy/competitive girl friends (girls who are friends, not necessarily ex-girlfriends). for some reason, mean girls make me feel a lot shittier than mean guys...i guess i expect some kind of loyalty/camaraderie because we're the same gender. please advise.

Anonymous said...

I loved this blog. I can relate. I wish they put all mean people in a hole in the ground and buried them all, problem is they're like potatoes, put them in the DIRT and they multiply.

Anonymous said...

at first i thought you were saying that you hate dill

Anastasia said...

wow, i've just discovered your blog. I absoluteley love it. I think its so refreshing how honest you are and al the post i'm like "omg thats what i think" but i'd feel too much like a freak to say it!

boycrazy said...

no, pj and dill are examples of great guys that i would be happy for my boyfriend to have!

gwen said...

i think your next blog should be on how to be ok with your dudes girl-friends. especially the ones you know he fucked. i pretend they don't exist then get raging pissed when i see a comment from them on his facebook. not ok! help?

Anonymous said...

cant you still be friends with your ex? depite mean bro..

Anna said...

Yeah I thought that when I was reading it too, when you said you never had to see your ex again if you didn't want to, could you really never see him again? Do you not still have a deep bond? Just curious, I envy you so much, five years is a really long time.
My longest relationship was two years and even though it ended really badly (like really badly, it all fell apart catastrophically) we couldn't NOT stay close if that makes sense? Just coz of the things we experienced over that time, the growing we did and the huge life changes like losing a parent etc xoxo

Stacy said...

It's a shitty thing but I don't think it'll change, if mean bro doesn't like his own brother, he'll never like you by association. Ther's no logic behind it so just let it go... xxx

Anonymous said...

I love hearing about your long-term relationship, more posts like this please!

Unknown said...

it's been almost five days since your last post... please tell me you still like boys.

Frenchie P said...

Ok, I think I'm addicted. I'm on vacation, I don't have the internet, and I just paid 2 fucking euros to use some random internet place just to read your blog.

EH said...

What does Jason Dill have to do with this?

Anonymous said...

awesome. i love reading your blog. TOXIC people should just stay away, they have such a big impact on you whether you want it or like it. Which is why i try my best to keep away from negativity.

MB sounds like a fucked up bastard and I'd break his nose if I had been you, actually. Good luck love! Continue writing because I honestly LOVE reading this !! xx Kate