Thursday, April 30, 2009

losing your virginity:

so, I've been getting A LOT of e-mails asking for advice on how to lose your virginity. e-mails from girls who are between the ages of 19 and 26 who are still virgins, asking me for advice. i didn't really know how i could help or what i could say. so i gave it some thought and here's what i came up with:

wanna lose your virginity? It's super easy! just spread your legs and place the dude's erect penis into your hopefully wet privates aka vagina. Super easy! Virginity GONE! What more do you need to know? 

Oh, sorry. you mean; how do you go about picking the right person? Getting tested? Approaching a guy in the first place? Trusting him? Trusting yourself? Being brave and jumping off the cliff into sexdom? 'sexdom'? Sometimes I write shit and I say to myself "who are you? Why did you write that? you're totally misrepresenting yourself." But then I shrug and keep writing. My style is more stream of consciousness. I just have to keep going or else I'll panic, over think and stop writing all together. Feel free to use this as an analogy regarding your sex life and losing your virginity. 

What else is it called? Popping your cherry? Gross. Anywayzies. It's a big deal cuz you'll ALWAYS remember the first person you ever let inside you, but you probably won't be marrying this person. They are a stop on your life's path! A memory. A hurdle to jump over. a tool used for growing up. Just make sure he doesn't have herpes, gonorrhea, warts, chlamydia, hpv, and isn't HIV +. cuz that shiz will haunt you forevs.

Listen, it's pretty cool you've waited this long. (i'm talking more to the 19 year old. 26 is bordering on tragic heap.) It means you're nervous, thinking about it, and take yourself seriously. So since you've waited this long, you shouldn't be worried about waiting a teeny bit longer for you and the dude to get tested. Don't pick up some random guy off the street or some mall dude over the weekend. (any other time, that would be cool- but not to take your virgin status!) If you're in high school or college, there are tons of dudes. All aching to get in some girls vadge! Duh! Don't forget, YOU have the power! your vadge is- to a guys dick- like the entry way into some exclusive Hollywood club! 

Maybe you should lose it to a close heterosexual male friend you have that you never really looked at that way. Like dawson's creek styles! It would be COOLER if he's more experienced than you too! Then you could ask him questions about giving blow jobs and stuff. giving a great blow job is a beautiful and powerful thing. haters, you can hate, but it's the truth. 

let him go down on you too! don't let him stop until you cum. Take a bath first so you're all scrubbed up and clean- so there's no room for embarrassment or self consciousness! and I'm praying to GOD you've been masturbating long enough to even KNOW what an orgasm feels like! It's like a warm tickley explosion in your nether regions! Make it a familiar feeling! 

How's that? I can't hold your hand through this, but I can leave u with this: Have sex (whether it's the first time or the millionth time) with someone you trust, who makes you feel safe. and ALWAYS use a condom. AND even though he's wearing a condom, make sure he pulls out before he cums! Cuz condom's break and if something goes wrong- unfortunately it's on the girl to take the morning after pill, get an abortion or HAVE the baby! So, take care of yourselves beautiful girls! Xoxoxo

19 comments:

detasha said...

Like a virgin,touched 4 the very
1st time, not...super sway

Eugene Kim said...

love the choice in the photograph

Anonymous said...

very nice.
if possible, could you do one about orgasms please? i've had sex with many different guys, i've masturbated and i've never had an orgasm. so if you have some tips, would you mind sharing them?

Anonymous said...

Making him wear a condom AND pull out before coming! Wow you're strict. X

Anonymous said...

I agree about the orgasm tips. Bring them on!

Anonymous said...

I actually don't think that's strict at all, it's smart, especially if it's your first time, that would be a SUPER BUMMER to get accidentally pregnant while losing your virginity.

Jen said...

She said 'pull out' coz she's still messed up over aborting Chris's baby

Desi said...

wow, you added "zies" after anyways. i love you, hands down. i read your blog for 'funzies' almost everyday and can't get enough of your spontaneous humor! don't ever stop!

boycrazy said...

thank you desi.

and as for you, jen, i've never had an abortion in my life. but thanks for the interest. xo

Anonymous said...

thhnx alexi,
this made me feel a bit better about being the 20 year old virgin.
i guess it's worth the wait?
besides, it's not like i know what i'm missin yet

Anonymous said...

i'm 16 and a virgin,
how old were you when you lost your virginity?

Anonymous said...

ouch JEN, thats not a very cool thing to say.

b

Anonymous said...

do one on blow jobs.

Anonymous said...

did you have an abortion?

Nikk said...

I think people need to stop the abortion inqueries......she's honest and open on sooo many levels.....how much farther do you expect her to go????besides, IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS ANYWAYZIES:)................and besides the point:)Take the advice or leave it!!!!Shit, I could slap a b$%&* over something like this:)

boycrazy said...

i'm too honest for my own good. and i've already answered that question. but, here it is again: no, i've never had an abortion. ever. if i did, i would have already blogged about it. xo

Alicia said...

youre so cute! I just found your blog and I think you're so cute. it makes me wish I was a cute boy so you could interview me. I'm not a lesbo (well yes I am but only a little) but I totally wished that!
-alicia

Anonymous said...

blow-jobs!

Anonymous said...

how old were you when you lost your virginity?