first love:

He was gorgeous. He was older than me. 18 to my 15. the coolest boy i had ever met. A drummer of a band. i guess I've always had a thing for drummers. I've put up with tapping from boys for so long, and now when they do it, it just annoys me, instead of fascinate or turn me on.

he had been in and around my life for a while without me knowing it. in 9th grade the coolest of the 11th grade girls let me and my friend Alana tag along with them (at their mercy) to a rave in downtown la. we all got ready together, lied to our parents about where we would be, what we would be doing.

before going to the rave, we had to stop at some coffee house on ventura Blvd. i can't remember why (map point?- no) or what it was called. the alligator lounge? no. blue iguanas? no. just, SOME coffee house. we were waiting for kelly's (prettiest of the cooler older girls- at least in my opinion) boyfriend to show up. 

he was older than her and she was crazy over him- but all i could think was 'who is this mystery dude? he's running super late and ruining the party!' but because i was frozen, in fear of not being cool, and planning EVERY word i uttered around the older cooler kids....i picked and planned what came out of my mouth minutes before i said anything! and regarding kelly's late bf, i kept my fucking mouth shut and smoked. (at this point in my life, i think i had yet to learn abut inhaling.) 

i smoked Marlborough menthol light 100's. LAME! homeless people wouldn't even take my cigarettes. it was many raves/shows/nights later- up all hours at Twain's/canters/nova express (all ages coffee shops and late night spots)- that i was FINALLY taught to inhale. why didn't anyone tell me? how embarrassing! but, geeze, NOT inhaling totally didn't hurt like INHALING. i guess you have to pick your battles. cool won over common sense, getting in trouble with grown ups, and cancer EVERY TIME!

back to the story, Kelly's dude FINALLY showed up! his name was Felix. i barely looked at him. i was too shy and didn't want to reveal to much about myself by staring. he wore high water Dickie's, etnies, had full hair, not long, just full like a member of the Beatles. had a back pack written on with white out. I'm sure a hackey sack lurked somewhere inside. but that was really none of my business. he seemed angry and serious. for the first time ever, i saw the older girls i thought were the coolest- revert to being just as big a dork as i acted when i was around THEM! 

a year and a half later, i was walking from my moms house in north Hollywood to a coffee shop on lankershim blvd.(hey, when you're 14, it's all you can do!) and who was walking out of an early evening band practice sesh?.....Felix! i couldn't breathe! it was a sign! he was it!!!! he and kelly had long since broken up. it was a whole new era.... and i was about to be 15! the possibilities were endless!(to be continued)