Thursday, May 7, 2009

how to be mean:

If you wanna be a mean, elitist asshole, who makes everyone around them feel less than, insecure, excluded, etc, it's easy peasy! here's your sure fire ticket into a super cool hierarchy of the mean people/cooler kids club. People will whisper about you and wonder why you don't like them. 

The 'meanster' breeds the worst kind of person: the 'insecure mess'! The 'insecure mess' is probably lovely, has a lot of potential, but is too easily wrapped up in whether the meanies like him/her. They need too much validation from everyone. It isn't 100% the 'meansters' fault- but they really help the sickness perpetuate. 

I don't recommend being a 'meanstercuz it usually stems from insecurities, a need to be in control by hurting other people,and trying to control peoples feelings. the longer the 'meanster' is a mean, shit talking, hater, keeping people down-the harder it will be for the 'meanster' to take chances and put themselves out into the world to be judged. because they'll be afraid that everyone else is as cruel and judgemental as they are. but, it's up to you. 

here are the 'meanster' ingredients:
sit back. Always look mean and bored AT THE SAME TIME. never remember having met someone, even if you do! If someone puts their hand out for you to shake it, DON'T! If a person makes a joke, don't laugh! Instead, learn how to do the "are you fucking serious face" keeping direct eye contact with the victim at hand. THEN, slowly look away to the left, THEN roll your eyes to the right! when someone gets excited about something, indulge them for a few minutes to engage their trust. fake your enthusiasm! match THEIR enthusiasm- for WHATEVER they're taking about. Then withdraw and completely turn on them! Pow! Like a warm knife in their back! and just stare at them blankly like you are SO repulsed and shocked by the fact that you're in the presence of such lame'ocracy! Act as though you are completely unaware/numb to the hurt feelings of the person whose heart you just ripped out.the person you just pulled the rug out from under. 

It's easy to be a cruel, vicious, mean, elitist, snob. All it takes is withdrawing who you are. Not putting yourself on the line. Monitoring every syllable you utter, so no one will make fun of you. Being devoid of a strong personality. Not letting people see the real you. Keeping the people around you, friends AND enemies, from ever really feeling safe around you. ACTUALLY, being devoid of a personality to begin with REALLY helps! 

if this is the personality you want to have, good luck. hopefully you're a very talented person, make a lot of money or are super good looking. Because people are much more willing to take crap from a beautiful, famous, rich monster; than an average, regular, ugly, poor monster. But you still couldn't pay me to be near you.

in reality, everyone's just a nerd. All the bullshit is pretentious and a cover up! speaking of talent/success and the personalities that go hand in hand with those qualities: every super powerful, successful, inspiration I've ever met has been the most open, no nonsense person. No aloof pretense and superficial shell. They know who they are, they like themselves, or have at least accepted themselves. they're open to learning new things, hearing what people have to say, and if nothing else- they have compassion and understanding enough to be accepting of people and be polite enough to grant common courtesy. It's HARDER to be like this. It's harder to be comfortable in your skin. But the pay off is so much better! I promise! Choose wisely! Xoxo


ParkerandFriends said...

What picture is that from? What movie? I love Jodie Foster's outfit. I need to see this film. Thanks!


HERE HERE sistah! Nice to know someone feels the same. Perfect word btw "meanster" loveit. Prime example: kiddos that work at AA. Dont get me wrong im obsessed w/ the brand BUT Gaw can you feel more judged walking in to a store!??? It's exhausting. hahah-awww sad but true, JUST BE NICE:)


omardoom said...

Oh no! I really try to be friendly, but after reading that i think i might be a meanster! FUCK!!

boycrazy said...

it's ok omar. we've all been a meanster at one point or another!

to parkerandfriends: that movie is called FOXES. directed by the same guy who did flash dance!

mirror phase said...

this post was great! so happy you put it into words, thanks!

SirWilly77 said...

You've described the Meanster Monsters of the world to a "T"! Whenever I come across these specimens in the field, I don't indulge their bile--I just walk away.

If they're your s.o., dump them. If they're your boss, quit your job. If they're a member of your family, go to a strip club for the holidays. Which I do anyway, but it's still good advice!

Anonymous said...

that was quite an early post, did you have a dream about a meanster to inspire you to write this?
sadly, i feel like im one of THOSE PEOPLE, you speak of, its not like i can control it, just developed it over the years of abuse and shit from people, just got older and didnt want to deal with crap anymore, if i met someone and dont remember them, its probably because i was to drunk, if i dont like someone or feel they arent funny, ill let them know, im brutality honest, is that so bad? maybe i am insecure...

robotofmystery said...

5 Easy Steps to Becoming a Meanster

1. Live in Silverlake. If you're not in the Los Angeles area, Williamsburg will do just fine. If you only like things before they were cool, move to a slightly more cutting edge version of the above - so you'll think you're not like that crowd.

2. Talk incessantly about not being part of the "Hollywood" scene, despite going out all the time. (These conversation are great to have at Hollywood clubs). Denigrate anyone successful by calling them "sell outs", and explain that you're not about the money and commercialism - it's about the music.

3. Number 2 comes relatively easy because you always have your trust fund to fall back on.

4. Play the starving artist card. While this sounds easy, it's harder than you think with your trust fund and family notoriety that you casually drop in conversation. Ideally, get your girlfriend to pay for everything. If by some fluke you are successful, there's an added bonus; you can immediately dump her for a slightly prettier and less cool version of her, thus shredding any self esteem she might have retained.

5. Rinse. Repeat.

boycrazy said...

please tell me who you are. that was epic. e mail me personally. i have to know.

Molly Lambert said...

OMG FOXES! I love Foxes


this is probably my favorite entry

jesse said...

i just wanna say that the chick on the right has a mean camel toe and shes making it work!

sagesaysyes said...

oh goodness, i was just reading this and with every sentance it sounded more and more like one of my best friends. She is a total meanster, and this blog entry just gave me all the backup to prove my case. She is such a bitch but she is still my best friend...I'm the only one who puts up with her shit and tells her when she needs to shut the hell up and put a smile on her face. I'm the only person she listens too...ugh i can't wait to get out of high school.