sucking out the poison:

I'm in the fucking horrible process of detoxifying my body or whatever you wanna call it. in a few days, i'll be driving to a place in desert hot springs called 'we care: a juice fasting and spiritual retreat'. even the name makes me gag. but, that doesn't seem to be stopping me.

'we care' is THE place to go when you wanna pay a lot of money to be starved and given colonics. the detox process before going on my fast at 'we care' involves: no caffeine, no dairy, no nuts, bananas, grains, pasta, meat, cheese, processed food, caffeine, or alcohol. I'M DYING! i can barely write. seriously. i feel gutted and empty. last night i came home at like 4am, and posted the lamest shit. i blame 'we care'. 

here's what I CAN have: 

*fruit, raw and steamed vegetables, juices, herb teas.

*2 table spoons of olive oil before bedtime.

*8 oz of prune juice in the morning and herbal laxatives or laxative teas nightly.

um, why would i need a laxative? how many times can i say this: girls DON'T go to the bathroom. duh. bathrooms are for snorting cocaine, putting on makeup and gossiping with your girlfriends. 

my stomach is eating itself! this is why i could never and have never been able to be anorexic. but what really scares me is the fact that i am going to VOLUNTARILY let a stranger at 'we care' insert a tube in my bum to blast my colon with warm water. and then massage out the poison. NOT that i even HAVE a colon. cuz girls don't do ANYTHING gross.  ALL our holes are sewn up! except the vadge hole- of course! otherwise we'd be USELESS! well i guess the colonic lady's gonna have to rip out the seams, cuz she's going in! NOOOOO!

i'm scared. i just want to get it over with. i had to pay in advance. NOW this has become more a money thing than anything else. i WON'T have those 'we care' motherfuckers keep my money! my head is woozy. i miss coffee. it's only been three days! but i'm not ashamed; i fucking LOVE coffee! it's all i've got! i wake up for it. it makes me feel understood and taken care of. it totally completes me. that starbucks cup isn't just an epic drink, it's a goddamn fashion accessory.

anywayzies, back to my fear of the colonics that lurk in my future. i've NEVER even had ANAL sex. if i do this, does it mean i HAVE had anal sex? or SHOULD? do i base my feeling on whether i'll like anal sex on how i react when the lady puts the plastic rod, or whatever it's called, into my bum hole? oh no! what if it isn't a lady? i will NOT let a man see me like this! i'll just have to request a lady! what if all the garbage they syphon out of me doesn't even make me look thinner? if that's the case, will it really make me less toxic and healthier? is this whole thing a sham? probably. but a bum syphoning and a few days of not eating CAN'T make me fatter. i did this to myself. 

here's a look at what i tried to pass off as an alright post yesterday. i apologize. it was superficial bullshit:

boycrazy video- a message from kelly and luke: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

so, there was a party for nylon magazine last night. it's hard for me to get motivated to go out MOST of the time. i complain, try to talk myself out of it, get lazy, do surgery on my face so i'd be crazy to be seen in pubic. but not last night. last night i didn't give a fuck. tights, eyeliner, and out the door. i had pants and a shirt on too. but that's not the point. the point is, i had boycrazy stickers to hand out and beautiful boys to prey upon. and that's what i did.

i ran into lots of beautiful people that i love seeing, and i even made some new friends. i danced to lady gaga. yeah. lady fucking gaga. i couldn't stop eye darting (that's when you're SUPPOSED to be focusing on the person you're talking to, but your eyes keep darting around the room cuz you can't stop looking at what's going on around you). i hate when people do that to me, and here i was doing it too. but the party was too fucking crowded! i had to! 

a girls hair caught on fire, which i thought was epic. she ran off screaming after we put it out, totally ignoring me when i offered her a sticker. my mantra for the evening was 'free stickers for beautiful people.' where do i come up with this shit? 

the 'hills' was being shot at the party. i MIGHT even be an extra on the episode. DREAMS DO COME TRUE! i tried not to be, but my friend brooke kept sitting at a banquet near the filming. what can you do? life is so hard! i was so confused! the hills was on tv during the party AND being filmed AT the party! wtf? it's like that 'if a tree falls in the forest' saying or whatever.... yowsers! good thing i have tivo. xo

in these pix: 'the hills' being filmed like only a pretend reality show can be filmed!