Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The blind leading the blind PART 5:

41. never wear ugg boots. Apparently girls didn't get this memo 7 years ago. MAYBE when you're in Malibu, and even then it's sketch. Maybe on a ski trip around the lodge, but not out and about at sundance! perhaps to a movie/TV set in the morning, cuz you're gonna change into your wardrobe anyways! have you given any thought to moccasin boots: the healthy alternative to ugg boots? 

42. never, I repeat NEVER leave reading material in the bathroom! What the fuck kind of game are you trying to run here? Unacceptable!

43. always dress cool! That way, no matter what comes up, you're ready to go! that includes cute undies too! just in case you get in a car accident and the ambulance driver or EMT is a stud! 

44. you never have someone in the palm of your hand! So don't take people for granted or let people take you for granted!

45. social anxiety happens when you're not supposed to be where you are! So keep the fuck away from those creeps! Or develop a higher opinion of yourself, so anywhere you are is the place to be!

46. when you begin a relationship, you aren't allowed to gain any weight! Sorry. you've set the standard! you are now ONLY allowed to improve. ie: lose weight, develop better style, improve skin condition, get a cooler haircut/color, increase size of bank account. Otherwise your significant other TOTALLY has the right to break up with you via text and text alone! So work it out fatso! Peace!

47. for the dudes and the gross girls: don't pick your nose! Especially in your car. The definition of automobile is not: machine that makes you invisible. People can see you.

48. it's 'BY ACCIDENT', not 'ON ACCIDENT'.  proper example: "he hit her BY accident."

49. being scared and being nervous are choices! So just say NO and do not engage in these life debilitating/crippling choices!

50. don't bite your nails! Get a manicure and grow into the woman or gay man you are meant to be!


Anonymous said...

still totally not getting the car thing.

cecil hudsmith said...

number 46 very much upset me...

gwen said...

settin shit straight! hallelujah.

Anonymous said...

you are a turkey. sorry!

Anonymous said...

#46 -- fuck you