don't be so gross:

Lets face it: your vagina is a dark, dank, breeding ground for a whole lotta disgusting nonsense! i actually don't blame guys for being scared and uneasy about going down there! but they better get the fuck over it and man up! or else they can consider themselves A. gay and B. dumped. actually- why do i feel that a gay dude, who's out of the closet and comfortable with his sexuality, would be more inclined to go down on a girl than a super frightened hetero dude? oh well, who knows? I'm just thinking out loud here. is that a crime? 

anyways, back to you ladies! it's in our best interest to keep that area clean and pristine! yeast infections, bacterial infections, razor burn, overgrown monster bushes, accidentally inserting more than one tampon and forgetting about the first one that's now lodged inside of you and is rotting, not to mention ruining your social life, ARE ALL NO NO's! yes, this is the grossest post I've ever posted, and hopefully will ever post! but it needs to be said! people are disgusting! i should know! I'm surrounded by you monsters ALL THE TIME! seriously though! you MUST go to the gynecologist all the time! you should get checked out every time you have sex with a new dude! I'm not kidding! you laugh now, but being a single girl-which I'm very familiar with-it's in your best interest to take care of yourself. no one else will! people lie! boys lie! girls lie! use a condom! except when you give blow jobs, cuz that would just be social suicide. don't be afraid of seeing your gyno over and over again! the doctor will actually respect you more and be happy you're paying her! 

so, back to your privates! i go to a Russian day spa. i truly believe that Russian women are the best at hurting you, while simultaneously convincing you they're making you beautiful, and sending you out the door smiling with a wallet that's a little lighter than it was when you'd arrived. I'm over the whole landing strip thing! it's lame! how about natural but manicured on top (which actually makes your thighs looks smaller and balances out your body) and completely bare on the bottom (that's so it's considerate and less complicado for the dudes you let down there). write me with your feedback boys AND girls! I'd like to hear what you think! life is about constantly learning! RIGHT??? 

so-for a healthy vadge, eat yogurt, or make sure to ingest some sort of acidophilus or 'good bacteria'. and for the love of god, drink pineapple juice! you know why they tell men to drink it! why don't you do yourself the same favor? you can drink pineapple coconut juice too! options! how exciting! don't wear undies to bed (as much as you can), and try not to wear tights or super tight jeans all the time! let your privates breath! yes, i typed that! I'm disgusting! somebody has to be, to get the word out. I'm just trying to make a contribution!