Tuesday, December 2, 2008

How to get what you want:

I was in a relationship for 5 years! i was too young to be playing house, but I'll never say i regret the experience because i learned a lot, traveled the world, and learned what i DON'T want for myself. there was blackout drinking, anger, fighting, jealousy, and rages mistaken for/disguised as passion. and in august 2007, we broke up. he was in a band. he was everything i thought i wanted: skinny, angry, successful, reminded me of my dad, dressed cool. he even had an accent. i was born and raised in Hollywood, and he was from Melbourne Australia. sure there were countless cultural differences, and he just barely understood my sense of humor (not to worry-i just developed an alternate personality that didn't make him mad-and when i couldn't keep that up, and reverted back to being myself, we fought. no big deal. i was so proud when i discovered i was a changeling and could morph my personality to serve whatever situation i was in.) but, so what! we looked good on paper, and i was convinced this was what i wanted. we had moved in together, he paid for most of the stuff. i was in sooo deep. leaving would have been sooo hard. how would i be able to extricate myself from the situation? when it was good it was great, and when it was bad, i wanted to die. i even cried in the dark during sex once. and i was so covert about it, he didn't even notice! am i rad or what?! one new years eve we went to a party at that girl from no doubts house! it was a rager! i was drinking, and so was he. i only drank every once in a while, and normally i was a fun drunk, but when the 2 of us were together, with unresolved resentment just barely lurking under the surface, alcohol was our worst enemy. it ended with us in a limo amongst friends and acquaintances, him calling me a c***t and me throwing a glass of vodka and ice in his face while sitting not 1 foot away from him. yikes, that must have hurt. I'm sorry. i jumped out of the limo and started running up Bronson. the car stopped and i was dragged back in. we continued dating for 2 more years. we were even engaged. but in august of 07, i left. and that's when i became the mayor of excitement city. i got my own place, remembered i had friends, and started dating like crazy! blind dates, recaps with my girlfriends the next morning over coffee! i was a woman! and obviously trying to recreate carrie bradshaws life! and now, i'm the happiest i've ever been in my life. 


loveroffashion said...

I was in a similar scenario, I was with the bastard for 4 years...too long!
Codependency is a bitch.

Love your blog


boycrazy said...

thank you! xoxo