Friday, December 12, 2008

sometimes i look like a monster:

Some boys are annoying and think it's ok to pull a friendly drop by! to me, this is my worst nightmare! i don't wanna be caught in my pajamas with pimple medication on, looking like a monster! that's why i made the decision that my house must always be neat and tidy. i clean the tub every time i use it, even though i don't expect a guest. i take out the trash when it's full and/or make sure there's nothing that appears yucky lurking in there that someone might see. i do my dishes. i swiffer. i make my bed and change my sheets! you just NEVER KNOW! this goes hand in hand with the upkeep of shaving your legs! i threw away any American apparel sweat pants I may have ever owned. i only wear night gowns now. long ones, for when i feel like a fat bloated monster. and silky short ones, for when i feel like a beautiful monster. but the facial masks and spot treatment will always be part of my life. they keep my face tight and prevent breakouts. for the love of god, I'm trying to do this facial maintenance on my downtime- away from boys, so that they wont see this side of me. and then they're gonna try to pull a creepazoid drop by!? shit! well, like i said, i guess we always have to be ready then! as long as the ugly night time wardrobe doesn't exist, and you're looking adorable style-wise, the mask and spot stuff can easily be washed off. keep an eyelash curler handy, throw on one fast brush of mascara (brownish-black for a natural look), some vanilla flavored bonne bell chapstick or kiehls lip balm #1, brush your teeth/swish some mouthwash, or at least spray some of that breath spray i told you to always have around...and open the door, looking fashionably flustered like only a hot babe can, and punch that douchbag in the face! i mean, a drop by? are you serious?! not cool! i never drop by ANYBODIES house because it catches people off guard, and not in a good way! plus, you're likely to see something gross that you didn't wanna see. years and years ago, i was at a guys house, and i hadn't even dropped by! i just showed up 3 minutes too early. i went to wash my hands and saw.....i don't even wanna type this, but i have to....that he hadn't flushed the fucking toilet. to this day, i haven't forgotten and i also never make direct eye contact with a guys toilet bowl. when i go into the bathroom: i just look at myself in the mirror, put on lip gloss, make sure my face is in place, do a teeth and nostril check, make sure nothing embarrassing is going on, and i get the hell outta there. earlier this year, i was dating a 21 year old boy. one night we were engaged in some light texting, and he made a joke saying that he was gonna come over. at least i thought it was a joke! i texted "yeah right. no you're not." he replied "you're right, I'm not." i was relieved. until he texted "'s opposite day." and then there was a knock at the door. fuck! i couldn't believe it! at least i had caramel scented candles lit. i was so fucking annoyed. i opened the door and there he stood- with a big goofy 21 year old guy who knows that he's good looking smile on his face. i told him how this wasn't OK, that i was furious, that i really don't like drop-bys, that i was in the middle of something............ and then i had sex with him.


YourBoyfriendsBestFriend said...

I totally agree! I can not stand the drop by. The boys should know that this is NOT okay. I mean really, what guy in their right mind would even want to chance the sight that could occur during an unexpected visit.

boycrazy said...

word! xoxo

Lucy said...

i HATE casual drop bys. I have one guy friend who insists on doing it in the morning, of all times, i mean why would you do that? I'd never do that. sheesh.