Monday, December 1, 2008

whole foods-where u can pick up more than just groceries:

I just met a guy who, when i asked if he could see the pimple on my chin, said "no. i just thought it was face cancer." he's out of town working right now, but i can't stop thinking about him. I'll let you know how it goes. now onto more dude stalking tips:
Wake up! U wanna look for a dude at albertsons or Ralph's!? Why!? Its low brow. Erewhon! co-op! whole foods! Bristol farms! This is where magic happens. Nicer outfits. high brow. Always look at shoes. 5 o'clock shadow, American apparel deep v's! their ray-bans or ksubi's attached to neckline (careful not to crush them if you hug. men hate that. sunglasses are expensive you monster!) simplicity is key. Acne denim. Patch pockets. And hopefully u won't see any of those way too complicated/ over designed back pockets with flaps. Those aren't ok! Not even on a gay man! FYI: your best gay male friend should look just as good (if not BETTER) than what you want in a boyfriend. The only difference is, your boyfriend shouldn't suck dick (not even in private/behind closed doors at bath houses.) Anyway, If u don't meet a potential dinner date/makeout here-you might find a super snazzy gay guy friend. The truth is, I actually prefer gay men! I can be free to be me, and there's no sexual tension!!! Gay men are the best! I'm not kidding. But let's not get side tracked: I've met an entire slew of sexy young boy babes that I ended up making out with, just by hanging out at the whole foods salad bar on fairfax! Did I waste a lot of time? Maybe! Did I catch any diseases? No. Plus, I was like 18 years old and figuring out what I was all about/who I was. So, idle time and eating a bit too much, sprinkled with insecurity/people watching/and sexual tension was on the program. Now, go to the closest high brow market, and start making eyes. one time i saw vincent gallo. he came around the bend and our carts nearly collided. what did i do? i mouthed i love you and made silent eye contact for exactly 2 and a half seconds. i'm sure he's blogging about it as we speak! See you tomorrow my beautiful babies!

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